Bats

From the towers of doom, under the silvery moon

They sit and watch and wait

Eyes piercing through the night sky and their wings begin to dilate

Up they jump from the towers so high, filling the sky with midnight birds

Leathery wings flash on by and not a sound they make is heard

perhaps I’m schizo?

My mind is going around the bend

Will it ever stop, will this ever mend?

I know I’m different to those out there

Those humans who live life daily without care

I am a special sort of folk, those out there would say bespoke

But I am more than just a novelty as you will surely see

I am a different kind of fish, from within a different sea

My mind isn’t structured in the way that you would like

My psychology is different to yours that is apelike

I am not a human, I’m pretty sure of that

For I wander endlessly about different kinds of facts

Am I more than human?  Will I surely know?

I have yet to find the truth, perhaps I am schizo?

impersonal thoughts

My thoughts, actions, words and deeds are observed heavily

My mind is not my own

It is no longer personal, private or shielded

It is an open doorway to all who wishes to venture within

This is my world as I live with other kin

The format for life is not the same

It is not structured to sound sane

Sometimes it’s a blessing and other times a bane

But I love this world of mine

I love it, because it’s divine

Constancy in thought, action, word and deed

Are the rules of this world, the ones to heed

It is quite simple, just let go of greed

dragon queen

The dragons are talking

A new queen has been found

She fell in love with a prince

The one who will wear the crown

If it was plotted it couldn’t have been better

With her impeccable breed

But it was a fluke they fell in love

As everyone will agree

Two dragons they are waiting

For their kingdom to be rebuilt

To take the new queen to another world

Do not feel the guilt

There’s no attachment here to her

She isn’t at one with man

So take her to the other world

As soon as you can

 

rubble in my mind

There is rubble in my mind

Broken fragments of confidence that once was

Smashed bricks laying around my mind like a relic of past self-esteem

Amongst the rubble is a lost person

Where she is, nobody knows and they probably won’t find her again

Even if these relics mend, she would be different, I would be different

I’d be a stranger to past friends

Hopefully she won’t be found again, the me that’s lost

As I’ve learned a lot since I was broken down

I’ve learned not to hide my inner frown

I no longer say OK, Yes if you like, I instead have learned not to bite

I now say no, I correct others, without fear of being shunned

Without being ridiculed and abashed for being scum

I now speak my mind, I won’t change that

It did me no good years ago and that’s a fact

To keep quiet

That’s not good, it keeps you very misunderstood, trodden on, under the thumb

People think that you’re dumb when you say yes all the time or agree a lot

It’s best to say what you truly want

Living in fear of other people’s reaction will attract more people like those you hate, it’s a cosmic attraction

So you may as well be, as you like

Whether you speak your mind or not, there’s always a fight

Whose side are you on?  Your enemies or your own?

You’d better choose yourself, or you’ll always be alone

Yes my mind is broken, but it’s on it’s way to repair

Though I’ve shed so many tears and lived life in despair

Though I’m mocked most thoroughly by those who think they know

The truth as they see it, but they don’t truly know

I mock those idiots who are blind to see, the life I had to live

For I know the truth quite well and I did try to give

But people only want to see what they want to see

Whether another has told them otherwise, it makes them feel safe and brassy

But if they want to close the door to the truth that I have known, then forgive me as I close the door to those who had thrown the stones

I cannot live a lie anymore, I will speak the truth

But if you cannot bear it, then I’ll do so via sleuth

Yes my mind is broken, but the old me I’ve outgrown

A better stronger queen will emerge, for I have found my throne

So walk on by fake family, those who tried their best, to take me from my kindred and make my mind a mess

For I am not needful now, nor will I ever be

For I have found the people, who will set me free!

 

 

between worlds

I’m locked in my mind of complexity

How I feel lost in my eternity

Living between worlds I’m prosthetically

Living a lie in one and overwhelmed by tragedy

This world of man drives me insane you see

The world of hope still awaits for me

But does it exist oh please give a clue

For at the moment I’m lost and without a clue

To break free from mortal bonds will let me see

That my whole life is not a tragedy

But for now all I can do is grieve

For the life that’s lost and I wish I could flee

Oh I wonder where I belong

But till I find it, I’ll have to be strong again

To live in a world of lies

Until my soul is free and flies

Simply be

There are problems in my life that I have sought to solve

I think I may have done it, but the problems later always seem to unfold

There are people like bad pennies, which always come back to me

Whenever I’ve learned to relax or simply be just me

This site it doesn’t help too much, especially when they spy

But I hope they’ll just forget me and close their blinded eyes

I want to be left alone, to find what I need to find

A newer lease of life, with people of my own kind

So if you did forget me dear and this post has reminded you of me

Please do not contact me, just let me simply be

Nothing you can say will solve mums aching heart

Because every time you reel me in, I again, want to depart

So no amount of chasing, guilt trips or words will send me back to you

Because the life I had to live, you still don’t have a clue

You support a trickster, who does things behind your back

I am waiting for the day when she turns on you and then you’ll see her cracks

That day isn’t long to go, for she’s running out of people

And hopefully I won’t be around to see another sequel

 

This poem is based on the current events of my life.  The main reason why I haven’t bothered with this blog is because this site is linked to people who I am related to and this sort of reminds them of my existence and I get grief from them.  I will not spend a lot of money on a new site and name, this blog isn’t and was never free for me I’ve paid to have a lot of the mod cons and I am in no position to waste money nor spend it again on another blog – so these people will simply have to live with this site or delete it from their emails.

I’ve already decided not to talk about my life on this blog, so what more can I do?  Why they are so jealous of the fact that I want to make something of myself is beyond me – because I was always of the mind-set that my successes are the those of my family too – but now they are just my successes as I’ve decided they’re undeserving as they have never supported me in what I wanted to do, only what they’ve wanted me to do.  They must be, because let’s face it, why else would they cause me grief making me so depressed I don’t even eat anymore or do anything, losing the zeal of my life – they know this, every time they say something bad to me I just freeze up in every sense of my life.  That’s why I can’t be around those people.

They sit back and wonder why I never did much when I’ve suffered a lifetime of depression, every time I get zeal for something I go about it originally nervously – because I know once anyone in that family of mine knows I’ve got the zing for life they will do everything in their power to A – make me feel guilty about it or B make my life such hell again that I freeze up again.  They do this deliberately, I’m not stupid, and I’ve always seen their game.

They know I am or were easily played like a Queen piece in a chess game and they knew this it’s common knowledge.

I am going to try and restart this blog how it was intended to be used, I miss it and I miss my zeal for life – my mum and my brother always felt that I’ve never been ambitious and that’s because I’ve never been allowed to be by mum; any indication that I was making plans or going somewhere were stamped on ferociously by her and I am not going to allow this again – even if I have to change my name entirely by deed poll, move house, immigrate and save up for another six months to get another blog, I will do it, so let that be a warning to you to back off.  Because once you start up again, there will be no way on this Earth anyone will find me again, believe me, I am sick of the bad pennies coming back all the time!

So keep away, if you genuinely care that much about me, you’d heed my warning in fact, you’d have heeded it months ago but you didn’t then and I don’t expect you to again, you can’t help yourselves.