I once knew a vampire who couldn’t accept the kill
Always sat back thoughtfully, making himself ill
He called himself an ethical vampire
That all others should aspire, to refrain from the killing of mortal men
Yet to him I lift the pen
And wrote to him this
To kill for your nourishment may not be bliss, but read my words carefully and listen to this
There are beasts in the world that kill like you do, and mortal men eat meat just as you used to
Therefore what’s the difference, between now and then? Other than the blood you take’s fresher
Is it because you’ve seen its life end?
He replied after a while and a letter I received
It said, thank you my dear for clarifying this fact
You’ve made me less anxious in the killing act
Now away I will go, into the night
I will now have my first guiltless bite
I never heard from him again, but I have heard from another vampire friend that he is quite well
And growing strong, and has always said he’ll remember me in fond