The devil you know and the God you don’t

What is with all these weird poems regarding God, the devil, ravens and eagles?

I will tell you.

Throughout all my life I have had nothing but violent discrimination thrown at me from various faiths and cults, including from my own mother and her friends!

I have always held the creator close to my heart, but until recent years I never knew where I could potentially find him in the world in regards to defining him to a culture – because no culture seemed to really know much about their own faiths… sorry to say, it is an observation of mine.

I tested this out once because I couldn’t believe how blindly ignorant various religious people were to their own scripture.  So I read the bible thoroughly from various Christian sects (because my mother is a Christian) – I read the bible from the Anglican church, the bible from the book of Mormon, the bible from Jehovah witnesses and the Catholic church and a couple of others.  Then I read the English translation of the Torah (because my great grandma was one of the Jews who converted to Christianity during the war and it seemed to me my mother didn’t seem to fully understand the bible). 

I was surprised how in each bible there are very slight differences in wording which can be read entirely differently from other sects, though generally they look about the same.

I learned that those who shout the loudest know the least from their scriptures (or at least misquote it regularly) and sickeningly this can even be the fault of those who should know the bible like the back of their hand – the priests. 

Because all my life I wanted to rest my mother’s mind, that I won’t be going to Hell, because I do believe in God, but I just can’t get on with Jesus, there’s too much to be suspicious of.  Indeed, in the Torah, Hell in the way Christians know it – fire and brimstone etc, is actually reserved for The Satan after an allotted time.

Because of this, it is my belief, that this is why a lot of people are afraid that it is them who will burn in Hell, because the Satan has lead them to believe this and took them away from the truth. Isn’t strange so many Christians dream they’ve been to Hell and saw Jesus there – apparently saving them? Just saying… Also, the Satan rules the Earth for an allotted time – eventually the true messiah will come and when he does, peace on Earth will occur. You can tell if someone is not the messiah, simply by observing how peaceful the world has become apparently. It’s been two thousand years now… think about that, please.

I know that the creator exists, because I feel guided a lot in my day to day life and I have experienced a lot of miracles… I mean a huge amount in comparison to other people! 

There has been times I was told to go somewhere and I felt I shouldn’t go and then I find out that at the time I was meant to go there was an explosion in the area or other things. 

I know modern society will claim that I have schizophrenia or something, because it’s not normal to live your life according to a voice in your head – but those voices have never ever lead to me to do any evil!

I am not saying I am divinely blessed and I am special – not at all.  I just want to share with you my experiences and what on Earth these poems are about!

I have no intention to become a religious leader or anything other than just being me or write poetry and my thoughts and feelings clear for all to see – however, my past will show you something different!

But I felt it needed an explanation, because I fell into a trap once.

It is so easily done.

I made some friends who had similar experiences to me, though some of those people admitted they got those experiences after partaking in drug use (something I have never done personally).  These same people then decided we should make a group together.

Because I was very inspirational in their eyes and they loved the depths of what I had to say, they decided that I should lead this group.  I wasn’t a confident person and I didn’t want to initially.  I didn’t know what to do, so I did what I usually think is best in a situation you are clueless about, that is – go with the flow! 

Bad idea upon reflection!

Before I knew it I became the leader of quite a large and uncontrollable cult known as the Raven clan (or warriors to some, though we didn’t like to fight), one of twelve animal clans that became part of the same organisation.  Nobody really listened to me and interpreted a lot wrong.

But as I was their leader they were not letting me leave that role so soon – they bullied me into it… this is quite common actually in cult activity, something the average Joe probably won’t be aware of!  Most leaders of cults aren’t actually the leaders by choice and are often forced into the position by other members of the cult. This could be said for Jesus too, as a lot of the moving away from Judaism happened after he died, based on hearsay.

I joined a website which was recommended by friends, to just generally talk about anything, because they felt I was insightful.

A lot more people wanted to become members of the clan, but I tried hard to tell people its exclusive really to just a bunch of friends, but those friends wanted to take advantage of these wannabes.

Before I knew it, we became enemies with other opposing idealists on the forum (simply because they wanted us to shut up, they even pretended to be the Vatican warning me).  To the very real extent that it became unsafe to be known to be part of our original friendship circle.

One particular enemy is a very well-known cult in Colorado USA.  Though in my eyes, my friendship circle has been disbanded and I escaped as their leader in 2009 thanks to a fluke and misunderstanding – but they won’t let go of the idea that I am their enemy and they have done nothing but stalk me and harass me online ever since.

There are rumours other people are still leading the friendship circle, but I have no contact with them anymore. 

The creator has tried hard to keep me safe from all of this, to help spread love and understanding to those who stalk me and others who need it.  But they are so deep in their hatred for anything that is not their way – which they won’t listen to even poetry of love and clarity.

I try to avoid these people, but they keep on finding me – so I gave up hiding a few years ago. Why should I shut up when I want the world to be a positive, inclusive, non-discriminating place? They claim they are white-lighters who want the same, but they do it so aggressively, they attack and have been known to kill for it! At least the banners I was part of, wasn’t like that!

This is what makes not only cults a dangerous thing for the world – but religion as a whole, especially when members of the religion don’t study it enough. it’s fine, if the people really know what they are saying, but most don’t. My mother converted to JWs when I was growing up and tried to force me into it too, the group liked me, because I kept them on their toes with the scriptures – but I never liked being a part of it.

When you hold a belief so strongly that it causes you to do anything hateful, cruel, violent or malicious (including words) it is coming from a place of evil and something unholy – for those that are holy cannot be hateful to the ignorant, only patient and understanding. It’s even ignorant and negative to presume, that someone doesn’t have a true relationship to God – as everyone is different – all relationships are personal, especially the one you have with God – because God has put us here for different things. The street preacher can’t possibly know what God wants from you as an individual… if you are following a flock then you will be like the flock, not like how he intended for you to be. It’s ok to follow a set of rules, but don’t lose yourself!

I sometimes wonder at religion – who is the flock really being lead by? Especially if there is hatred within the group for outsiders.

Yes, I know my poems talk about war etc – but it is not vouching that war is necessary and we must partake in it.  Instead it is suggesting that war is inevitable because those who misunderstand will cause it, because they are afraid (doesn’t say its right, just says its human nature).  People attack those that which they do not understand, because they fear the unknown and they fear change!

If anything causes you to lose your wits that you become violent, you should reflect and understand that whilst you have been made unbalanced by something unusual you are more vulnerable to be taken over by the deceiver and that it is important to take deep breaths and not to become hasty in your reactions.  You need to master self-control in order to maintain peace on earth – peace on earth, starts with yourself.  Your own thoughts, your own changes which are personal to you!

You can’t expect peace on Earth if you are an angry person, because you are afraid, because you do not agree with another.  Because who are you to judge?  Are you as ignorant as the people you accuse of ignorance?  Do you really know for sure?

You can’t, that’s the thing.

That’s what makes the deceiver win.

He knows that humanities biggest weakness is controlling emotional reaction.

You’ve let him won, through your own reactions to things if you react this way.

I am patient and loving but I am not perfect – even I give into anger.  But I am trying to learn, trying to calm myself so I can hear the creators voice in me – don’t give him that power over you… calm down… let’s think about this for a while… a long while if necessary, because you do not want to spread the hate, cause violence, hurt someone – this is what I hear inside of me, if I allow myself to quieten down and not react immediately”.  Be sure the voice in your head is reasonable, that’s how you will hear God. If the voice isn’t reasoning with you or calming you down, it’s the voice of evil!

You are not weak when you do not react.

In fact, this is your strength… the longer you choose not to react, the stronger you become in defeating evil.

Yes, you will be tested… but it is not the creator that is testing you… stop accusing him of that!  He is there for you to listen to, if only you calm down enough to hear him! The thing that is testing you, is the evil that wants to control you and keep you away from God, because he knows (read the book of Job) that in times of trouble and bad luck, humanity will start to curse God, therefore they are easily manipulated away from him!

Though the cult of the banners is behind me now… I have actually written a series of books based on my experiences, some fiction, and some fact.  Because it is healing for me and I believe will help teach the world about the dangers of cults and how they work and get into your head! 

It has only been in the past three years I have decided to listen to the voice in my head, that I believe is God – because the voice comes from a place of love and peace. It has never made me attack another verbally or physically, that only happens when I don’t compose my thoughts and take a breather!

Many of my books contain this sort of thing, but not all; I would say 15% of my works contain cultures which are similar to my experiences, educating people about cult activity and mind-set, to hopefully arm people with the knowledge of how to not get sucked into it. 

Writers write best in accordance to their own experiences, these were mine.

These days I consider myself both a humanist and maybe a Noahide, until I know whether or not there is something else – what I mean is, I doubt I will get accepted into a religious community of people who keep to the old testament, because I am bisexual and even there, I am apparently an abomination. If I knew a community of Jews that accepted bisexual and gay people, I would reconvert my family back! My son believes in the old testament, but is hurt we’re unsure where we belong in society. So for the sake of ease, we often say we’re just humanist.

I will talk to anyone about religion, if I knew they were talking Old Testament, anything after that makes me uncomfortable. Anyone pushing the idea that the Messiah has already come, is uncomfortable, because where is the peace? We were promised peace when he comes as the whole world, even the non-believers will be in awe of him! I will talk about non Jewish based beliefs with you too if you mentioned it, but I won’t know much about those, so I am unlikely to understand you, if you approached me with such a culture. I am open to learning and I won’t judge you or tell you that you’re wrong, because its not my place. I don’t know what the truth is, so I can’t judge. No one can.

Though the voice in my head says “all love is sacred and accepted and don’t forget, I knew you before you were born and made you”. You could argue that I am still hearing evil here, but I think… if someone like me exists and God doesn’t like it, then why would he put that as part of who I am? As I said before, I don’t believe it is God who tests us, I don’t believe he is that cruel, to give us a nature to do something, then say actually it’s an abomination!

Formerly, before the cult, I was a Norse witch, shaman, (forced member of the J Witnesses by my mother) and Anglican and a Catholic which are the primary mixes of my family, since they left Judaism after the war. I have never really found stability in religious culture, thanks to my upbringing. Amazingly, I still believe in the creator and I believe in miracles and other spectacular things, for I feel I have had a spiritually blessed life, in spite of things.

This is not going to become a religious or spiritual journey blog – but I will share my experiences from time to time and the poems will continue as they are part of my writing works. My poems usually come about after a bad interaction with an Eagle (former enemy of a disbanded cult).

Thanks for reading and I hope you understand?