In my dreams I am not me
My hair is white and crimply
It shines like glitter in the light
My eyes like topaz shines in the night
I am dressed in white with a gold band
And there stands my gentleman with me hand in hand
I’m not fat in those dreams of mine
I am slim and lithe and look so fine
I am like a fairy of the night
In my dreams a beautiful sight
When I wake and in the mirror see
That I am not who I want to be
It’s like a horror story unfolding
This real body of mine needs some moulding
So this is why I work so hard
To try and fight off all the lard
And someday I will happy be
When I look in the mirror to see me
This poem was a long time coming. I really do have dreams where I look like that, I am pretty sure its what my soul looks like; but my real body is literally its polar opposite.
What I find weird about all of this is that when I was a baby till I was 6yrs old my hair was white just like that and I was underweight, then suddenly I got dark and piled on the pounds.
So weird, it was around the time my hair went dark that my mother started to turn against me. I think she thought I’d always be like that.
Today, I feel glamorous and playful. I might be in one of those days of being undecided what to wear. But I do feel like its a red day for me and I would probably make more effort in putting on make up and doing my hair today, if I could afford the cosmetics.
I also feel sexier than normal, so I would opt for split skirts and cleavage boosting clothing and sexy boots.
I’d probably wear daring make up too, I feel daring today.
I know into yesterday evening my looks for the day started to change into the idea of being a peachy or cerise kawaii. That often happens, I shift my ideas of fashion some days where I would want to be two or three things at various times in the day.
But today it’s sexy red clothing, like some kind of silky vampire, with silky clingy knee high sexy boots and vampiric make up. Figure permitting! This is an idealism if I had a body to match my vision.
Instead I sort of look like a saucy sailor.