I hear you Michael

I have got the message Michael

Now is time for love

I clothe you in your armaments

My sweet and beautiful dove

Now is the time for fortitude

I have the grace of God

With the wisdom of my teachers

I will help dismantle fraud

Tattoo & felt

It’s a very autumn day for me; I want to wear thick and warm materials again with all the autumn colours; probably felt skirt and top with leaves applique and shiny mahogany knee high boots and a cute felted beret.

But alas, I don’t have anything like that here, but never mind.  I do however have a nice warm cardigan, but my trousers are too thin as the warmer ones are too big for me now.  Whenever I stand up in the warm trousers and walk across the room, they are down by my knees in seconds.

Nice image for you there, or a nightmare, whatever your persuasion.

I understand that a lot of my fashion ideas would look ridiculous on someone with my body shape and size right now, but I like to visualise the slimmer me.  I am no fool in understanding that certain materials and styles will exasperate my size – therefore, I would not have felt now if I were in the same sized body and could afford it.

Since I was a teenager I have always wanted a tattoo of a raven, but where I want it wouldn’t suit any formal occasions if I were to get back into them again.  I sometimes wonder if I should design it myself and send it to a temporary tattoo place so I can have them as temps – that’s a nice idea if I could.

Why did I mention the tattoo?  Because I am really loving the idea more and more as I am getting older, but I don’t want to be hasty and make it permanent.  Though a YouTuber I love called Jeffree Star showed on a video that tattoos can be covered up by make-up, but I am still unsure if a permanent one is for me or not.

Also ravens are my main spirit animal and have been for a long time. It has a huge spiritual importance to me, especially with the symbolism around the main image.

Thanks for reading!

Intrusion & chaos

Henry has been having a lot of health problems recently and there is a lot of emotional upset happening in the family too; this has meant that finding time to write more than a paragraph a day has been hard on me. 

Henry could lose his place in his school because he is having so much time off and this is affecting the relationships of the household negatively, both Paul and Henry are constantly at loggerheads with one another.

We are currently still grieving the loss of a relative as well as all the mental and physical health of Henry, along with the fact that Paul and I are in the process of separating – so my future is very unstable right now.

Although my physical health has improved, it still has a long way to go; my stamina for example, needs a lot of work.  I am trying my best to heal myself mentally too, but I still have a long way to go before I would say I am out of the woods with the suicidal thoughts.

Henry has decided that although staying with his father isn’t ideal for him in the long run, he wants to stay with him because he feels loyal to his 300yr ancestry in this village and Henry understands it is unlikely I will stay local if I leave.

Why is that?  Because I generally flow to wherever I feel needed or wanted, wherever that may be!

It is because of all of this, I can’t make any more deadlines on my writing work.  It is amazing I am managing to do as much as I have with all of this going on, but writing a novel within my usual six to ten weeks, is a thing of the past right now.  Things are too chaotic and there are other things that need attention in my life.

I am still writing, but it has slowed down, it has been mostly ideas and snippets – primarily because nobody respects my space and the fact that I am the only person in the house who is actively trying to improve their lives and get us out of a hovel.

I am doing this 100% without the support of anyone who is actually physically in my life – my only support is people who enjoy talking with me on twitter.

I cannot commit to a deadline until I am somehow removed from all of this chaos and intrusion and I honestly don’t know when that will be!

Especially as I am having a very emotional time myself right now and finding it hard to keep my head together.

Happy reading and sorry to disappoint anyone!

P.S Henry is currently on half term as well, but he hasn’t been to school three days before the holidays started. He is much better now; he had gastric flu.