Daily Archives: October 27, 2022

Sleepy caterpillar

Today I feel quiet; it’s a solitary and reflective day for me.  I just want the cosiest clothing possible, to be warm and snuggle up with my laptop writing stories, doing tarot readings, playing with my crystals and reading some books.

Though I feel like being kind of social, I just really want a quiet day.

I really miss having a wandering pet in the house like a dog or a cat, because I could do with fur baby snuggles right now too and I really miss my border collie Candy who used to lie on my feet whenever I was reading, because she kept my feet warm in the winter, whilst bill my shih Tzu kept my abdomen or lap warm and his sister Beau to my side.

I often sat in piles of dogs or other fur babies, it was quite normal for me.

As much as I miss her I don’t miss her habits, Turquoise my tortoiseshell cat, she could never get close to me thanks to the dogs, so her only option was to sit behind the back of the sofa I was on and half lie on my head whilst I read.  Kind of itched a bit as she made my head too warm!

I miss the occasional tweet from my budgies too and the sofa suddenly moving like an earthquake because Amy the Irish Wolfhound has decided to hide behind my sofa right now, disturbing the whole pile of animals around me as she blunders her way behind the sofa to hide again, only for her to re-emerge sticking her wet slimy nose into my ear for a tickle almost immediately.

I miss them all.

But today is a cotton and cotton lace kind of day, with fleecy socks and blankets or shawls; light colours for me, like white, pale yellow or cream, maybe a smattering of oatmeal or coffee, but only very small amounts. 

It would be too cold to go out in what I want to wear today, unless I took an oversized oatmeal or banana yellow fleecy shawl or poncho with me.

Today however, is a day where I just want to be home.  I’d like some company, but quiet, tranquil company.  It’s a reflective day after all and a day of words for me.

I have done a lot of writing today, but not towards a novel.  I have done a lot of words towards blog posts and therapy essays I am doing for myself, as I am trying to heal some major emotional wounds.

Spiritual energy is quiet today, it’s like there is a major focus on me, to give me lightness, give me energy, sending healing my way.

I thank whoever it is doing that.

I certainly feel a lot of inner calm today, like someone has given me Valium or something.

My spirits have tried their best to encourage me to sleep a lot over the past few days, but I haven’t been listening, only for me to nap suddenly whenever I get comfortable.  Henry got afraid yesterday as I fell asleep twice and I wasn’t even tired, but I told him it’s OK.

My spirits told me, “you are not a butterfly yet; you are still a caterpillar and it’s time to get your sleep, because your transformation is very near”.

I suppose it explains why I am fat, then, I am a caterpillar.

I am fighting against their advice though; life is too short to be a sleepy head.

But they insist, I should sleep as much as possible until the second week of November, because after that, I won’t have a chance – things will move too quickly in my life and I may not have the energy to keep up with it, and I must keep up with it!

It’s a strange thing.

But there you go.

Thanks for reading…

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Filed under Who am I today?


Life is complicated when you’re big

Life is complicated when you are small

Life doesn’t meet in the middle of the short or tall

Life can be a nightmare, though also sometimes a dream

Sometimes it makes you cry for joy and other times make you scream

I understand what it’s like for you, you who are so very big

I know the leaps and bounds you make

Your life is fragile like a twig

One false step and you could lose it all

I understand your qualms

But I can’t help falling in love, with your spirit and your charms

I pray you take the risk you want

You leap over the looming walls

You take what you want by the hands

And you will be enthralled

Because no matter what you think, I know my answer is yes

Because I feel it in my soul, that when you come I am blessed!

You were always promised to me in my dreams

I think I know you well

And to live without you in my life, just know that it is Hell

All I ever wanted was a guy just like you

Someone who will love me and protect me and be true

But I grow impatient because I know

I can feel your spirit glow

I can feel the warmth you bring

I can feel your spirit sing

I know that it isn’t long before you come and share your song

But I am going crazy here

Because I sense you are very near

And all I can think of is you, you, YOU!

How I feel, you’ve got no clue!

But you need to know right here and now

That I will accept that vow

That offer you will make, I will take it make no mistake!

For I will know if it is you, that you really love me too

Though we don’t know each other right now

However you’ve been foretold and wow

I know it’s crazy, but you’re a part of me

You are also so very tardy

Yes you are late and I think you know it

But I know we both are ready to commit

I feel this power in your soul

I know I am your ultimate goal

I am loving and I am kind and I will make your life sublime

You will hold me in your arms and carefully guide me away from harm

Nothing will touch me ever again, because with you, I’ve found my zen

I am yours and I am sorry

For the pain you went through in the quarry

Looking deep and hard in stone, for the diamond who’ll make your home

I am tardy, I know that and I am sorry for being late

But I had to get born and grow up a bit, am I worth the wait?

I know you manifested me, I have some imperfections

But give it time and we’ll work on all of the corrections

I’m a child at heart and I know you want to play

You dream of me every night after you softly pray

God listened to your request you know

Because I am here right now

And slowly you are nearing to me

And wouldn’t it be – wow?

I will be afraid of you, because you are so real

But just know that I will love you – expect a squeak or squeal

I may not talk when you arrive

I will lose my voice

But just so you know, I will rejoice

I may be too eager too

Too quick to say a “yes”

But I’ve been waiting for many years

Excitement will be hard to supress!

Though I don’t know who you are

I knew you in my dreams

And so I think I know you, entirely it seems

Though a thing or two has changed a bit

You have grown a lot

I really hope you choose to come, please give it a shot

I know things are difficult right now

But you can make it true

You are more powerful than you know

Look who you made and drew!

You can have everything

Don’t stop your biggest dream

I don’t want you to fall apart or go downstream

You wanted me with you and that’s what you’re going to have

Because you don’t do mediocre, you don’t do things by halve!

So do what you need to

To come and find me dear

Because I need to go home, so please persevere

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Pixies, pores & chores

Yesterday, I missed an old tartan dress I used to have and I kind of wanted to wear tartan clothing for some weird reason, preferably though, a trouser suit.

Today I wanted to wear green velveteen or something similar; today was a sort of extra glamorous day for me where I wanted to make more effort with myself, but I kind of also wanted to be a pixie as strange as that sounds.

Usually I try to weight myself on Thursdays, but I got my days mixed up and did it today to find I have lost another four pounds in weight – that’s made exactly 9 pounds and 4 ounce weight loss in three weeks, despite online saying I’d only lose two pounds a week on average.

The face yoga is doing my face a treat, I can tell you, there is a noticeable difference in my face, and I feel I am getting prettier, but there you go; my eyebrows still have issues, I have a sense I should leave them alone as I feel like whenever I touch them I make them worse!

My new moisturiser burned me a little the other day and it makes me look like I have acne, but it’s not, it’s just little spots that came up with the reaction around my chin, there’s about five, my pores bled!  That’s the thing with me; I have very sensitive skin I have to be cautious with new products.  I am severely allergic to two thirds of all depilatory creams; the reaction is so bad I break out in huge grape sized hives all over my body within a minute that takes two weeks to fade!  So I have to pluck or shave or sugar wax instead.

Shaving isn’t ideal because I get goose bumps easily, whenever I am touched, so I tend to get a lot of nicks.

Before our financial crisis I used to lay back and read a book whilst Henry plucked the hairs out of my legs individually with tweezers, I paid him £3 per leg, he loved the job.  Weird kid!  Though it was oddly relaxing for me and I got a lot of reading done back then!

Henry was so duty oriented when we had the money, he was often getting chores for lots of other things around the house and paid per chore, he was clocking up an average of £8 a week from me alone – that’s without his regular £3.50 from his dad which was just a given!

I tried to instil an excellent work ethic in that boy, but since we’re not paying him anymore, he has become rebellious about most chores!

I suppose you get your money’s worth.

Though when I can afford a little I still say to him “Henry, fancy cleaning the bath for 50p”?  And he is up there like a shot and doing it happily!

Thanks for reading!

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