I believe I am writing daily to add towards my blog consistently for the past three to five months now, that I can now say I don’t believe that scheduled posts are any longer necessary.
I think that I can now write daily and publish daily, though no doubt I will have some things in drafts for when I think my immune system is going to have a hit again – talking of which I seem to be developing a really bad bacterial ear infection right now and a cold, so who knows what is going to happen in the next couple of days.
Expect up to four posts per day, but I will refrain from doing more – because I don’t want to overload my readers. I will try to make a poem daily, but we’ll see.
I do aim to do more prose like short stories in the future too.
I am saving up money for a passport as my instinct is telling me something is going to happen soon where a passport is going to be needed. It will cost £85 I think and will take 10 weeks to get at the current length to get it. You can fast track it for a week but there are specific requirements and I think it doubles the price too!
Thankfully one of my personal debts has gone, which means I have enough money to save per week. Unfortunately it could mean I won’t get my passport before Christmas, but we’ll see.
I don’t like to spend money on things I don’t need, so I am unsure if I will spend money on the passport, unless I have some notion as to why my instinct is telling me I should do it. So I am not going to be too hasty, because £85 is two weeks food money here, it’s a lot for nothing… if you get me?
So I am trying to save £5 a week for it, I have been trying to do this for a while now and I am currently the third of the way. But as I said, I won’t get the passport until I know for sure; there is a reason to do so!
Another thing I am trying to do is to clear the house a lot more. Sure, a lot of the things I am getting rid of, I still actually want to keep – but I am getting picky now. I have a feeling that my time in the near future will mean that I will need things like that less and less because my time will be spent doing other things – so get rid of the stuff I won’t need in order to not only make more space, but not to become a hoarder. You know?
I like knitting and crochet, but I know that it causes the carpal tunnel syndrome to flare up, so I avoid that activity these days, I am debating with myself, should they go? I know during the winter I knit myself fingerless gloves and hairpieces, because they can be done within the hour, but should I actually just say goodbye to that hobby?
There are lots of things I need to wave goodbye to, old clothes that are now too big on me, styles that were given to me by my mother a few years back… do I really want those hanging around in my cupboards? No, I don’t, because I don’t intend to wear what she picked for me and I don’t intend to gain my weight back anytime soon either.
For the first time since Henry was three years old, I am nearly in the 16 stone mark, another two weeks and I should be there! I have came down from being over 22 stone, it’s amazing – because I literally thought I was going to die and never be thin again. You ask Paul, this time last year I was sure I was dying!
I think the reason why I got this big, this time around was because I was bedbound sick and I had the attitude of “well, I’m going to die anyway”.
Seriously I used to think that, because my lungs were so badly damaged over the four pneumonia bouts I’ve had since 2014.
It’s amazing the recovery I’ve had. I really did give up.
But you know what made me start the changes in Easter? The fact that I started to see that if I died, nobody would actually care, nobody but Paul and Henry will attend my funeral and I would be a forgotten part of the world and that made me feel – no fucking way am I going to exist in the crap that I’ve had and nobody is going to know about it… I am determined to make the world know me and I want them to mourn me when I die. Vain I know, but it worked to give me the kick up the ass I so desperately needed!
I have a feeling that the more I DON’T WANT the more of it I am going to get, so what the Hell! I don’t want fame, yet it creeps along behind my back, I don’t want someone to help me, yet I am inundated with kind helpful people… I mean the universe is sick in the head isn’t it?
You want something… too bad… you don’t want something… here your cup runneth over!
I desperately want a dog, so my house has no dog… when I decided ok I can live without a dog, someone comes along and says, hey do you want to look after my dog for six weeks whilst I tour Europe?
It’s like the universe loves making me rant at it because its funny or something…
Ok, ok, ok, I really don’t want roast lamb anymore….I really don’t want to be thirteen stone… I really want to be alone… I really want to be ugly… I really want to have an uncaring partner… is it going to work this reverse psychology or is the universe going to double agent me right now?
Yeah, so I try.
Well anyway, happy reading.
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