Broken Doll

Ignore the broken doll; she’s just an attention whore

Got worse things than all of us, we hate her tales of yore

Bet those tears are a crocodiles, bet those words are lies

We don’t believe a word of it, we don’t believe her cries

She doesn’t play our games with us, for she thinks she’s better too

All the evil she’s experienced, all the things she’s gone through

No one can have that much bad luck, she really tries too hard

To get acceptance from this crowd by playing the victim card

That broken doll is back again, with another tale

Let’s just ignore her and she’ll go away

She makes the atmosphere stale

No one likes a broken doll, they throw us all away

Because they think by touching us, we will scratch and scathe

Will no one mend this broken doll and bring a pot of glue?

So that one day my scars will heal and I can be loved too?

They didn’t think I was playing right

I think they thought I wasn’t playing right.

But tragically I was.

Someone wanted to play a game on twitter the other day with their followers, but I guess nobody believed I was playing properly because nobody answered me, everyone bypassed my answer.  I am not bothered by it, in fact when it comes to truth questions, hardly anyone believes me when I tell them the things I’ve gone through.

Used to it.

The game was two truths and a lie, so I told them this.

First thing – I have broken my leg and walked on it for 9 months without seeing anyone medical about it.

Second thing – I have survived a bomb explosion.

Third thing – I am a model.

For your information, I am not a model; the other two are sadly true.

I broke my leg when I got out of the bath awkwardly around 16yrs ago, it was extremely painful and for months I couldn’t rest my calf on anything and had to sleep with a cushion under my rump to keep my calf from touching the bed.  My mum wouldn’t let me see a doctor about it, around nine months later the doctor accidentally knocked into my leg on his swivel chair and I screamed.

He thought I was overly dramatic until I explained what happened to me several months earlier, then he sent me for a precautionary x-ray and found I had been living with a break for all that time and that they want to rebreak my leg to fix it properly or I could have ongoing issues all my life.  My mother wouldn’t let me opt for that, so I have ongoing issues all my life with that. 

I also want to say there was another incidence where I broke several ribs and again, I wasn’t allowed medical help. I wanted this to be my third option – where I would have said, I broke one rib once, it would have been a lie as I broke several all at once. But I guess people have a problem with macabre realities.

The bomb explosion was 200 yards from my house and broke all the windows; I was sitting 2ft from one of those windows at the time.  It was a prime location for IRA attacks.

I guess some people just can’t believe a person can go through so much?

Nobody believes the broken doll, of course, she’s just an attention whore!

Happy reading! 

10 future things

The top ten things I want in my future;

A really warm, loving, snuggly relationship with someone on my wavelength regarding the intimacies and who likes to talk a lot about their ideas and how we can better our future together, working as a team!

More children, I’ve never been happy about Henry being an only child and I’ve always aimed for five a minimum for my family size.  Scary huh?  I was born to be a mother! I know I am 40 now, but did you know my paternal family have had children naturally into their mid 50s?

A dog, a house isn’t a home without at least one and a bunch of other pets.

A garden that isn’t overlooked and is completely protected from thieves and vandals, prying eyes and ears and whatever!

A nice home where everything is comfortable, clean, pretty, relaxing, where I feel safe and happy and it’s a tranquil place.

My books to become movies or TV shows! I write the stuff I want to see on TV.

Plenty of art supplies so I can practise as much as I want without fearing I am going to run out of stuff mid-project and wait two months to replace things, by which time the half done painting is ruined and damaged by people who don’t care!

To know I am safe and protected and respected by people.

I want to be loved, I love other people a lot until they hurt me, but I never really feel loved back properly.

I want to be beautiful and slim and proud of my looks.

Thanks for reading…