Love song for suicide

My dreams were coming

Then shattered by jealousy, wrecked

Blood is pretty when it’s pumping

Beautiful liquid rubies – perfect

I am bathed in the blood that served my life

Blood, tears, wet with strife

How can you do this to the one you love?

Because she didn’t love you too –

You know that you didn’t love her then

If you played with jealousy as a tool

Smashing opposition with lies and games

Just what exactly were your aims?

I trust in God and God will serve

Someday you’ll get what you deserve

But it won’t be me, because I’ll be dead

Because of all the lies you’ve fed

Let that on your conscience be

Apparently, you loved me.

But I said no and so you vied

And because you did

It’s why I’ve died.

Written 8:50pm 24th February 2023

Currently, I am struggling with dark thoughts, because of some stupid games people are playing.

One of which won’t take “no” for an answer, whilst apparently spreading lies behind my back that I am dating them, to people that I do actually like.

I am dating no one right now and holding out until the person I really like is ready and I know from others he is busy right now.

Leave the playground.

Stop the games.

My life is bad enough as it is without all this bitter jealousy from complete strangers.

At the moment, I am trying hard to keep positive. Trying not to reach for the rat poison or razors.

You don’t love me if you can go behind my back, lie about me and ruin my future with someone else because you can’t have me, as I said NO how many times now? That’s not love, that is selfishness, it’s not nice.

Think about what you are doing.

Rodents are nasty little critters aren’t they? But can they really gnaw through a heart of steel? I don’t think so, so please stop trying.

Thanks for reading, and sorry for the drama to my other readers.

Are dreams real?

What are dreams?

Safe places to go to each night when you sleep all wrapped up cosy in your warm blankets and allow yourself some peace for the rest of the night.

A place where you can live out all your desires, including or excluding at your pleasure whoever comes and goes within it – it’s a time to play, inside your dreams!

A place where you won’t be judged and a place where you won’t get fat eating that burger or ten pounds of candy floss

But what is a dream when it becomes real and haunts you during the day, teasing you of its presence in reality?

But never really letting you know it’s there…

Hints, signs, cryptic messages, shadows and whispers

Those dreams are real and your life is about to change exponentially! 

What then?

Do we dream no more?

Do we live the dream?

Do we become the dream?

Are we alive?

Are we dead?

Are we real at all?

Were we ever?

02:53am 24th February 2023

one, two, three

One, two, three

Just checking that everything is nice and perky

Four, five, six

What kinds of crazy tricks

Seven, eight, nine

This is a nonsense kind of rhyme

Ten, eleven, twelve

Should I post or put on the shelves?

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen

This is stupid, it must be the caffeine

6:25pm 24th February 2023

Forever in limbo

There is awkwardness in life, when one is not meant to know certain things and yet they know plenty, but not enough to understand what is truly going on.

It’s a frustrating thing, not knowing for sure.

It’s the uncertainty that grates more than anything.

Your whole world could turn upside down at any moment and you will be none the wiser, yet you had inklings anyway that it would happen.

Paradoxical and confusing for all involved!

You know, but you don’t.

You are prepared yet unprepared.

Then shit happens, or it doesn’t.

Forever in limbo, till it ends!

2:43am 24th February 2023.

How can you understand?

The life I’ve had has been painful

Hard lessons I have learned

How to dodge a slap

How not to be burned

The world is a hard place

A school of knocks and tears

A place where you cannot rest your laurels

Because of all the fears

A place where life is challenged

Where love is mocked and caned

A place where compassion is weakness

And happiness is strained

I can’t tell you what I’ve seen and know

Because it’s hard to tell

For how can someone who lives in Heaven, understand someone from Hell?

Written 5:05pm 22nd February 2023