Old bucket list

I found one of my old Bucket List Note Books today, some things I have put in there I have completely forgotten about – which is one of the reasons why I put them in there in the first place, because I was afraid I’d forget about them.  In particular places I’ve seen on TV or in magazines that look interesting to go to.

I haven’t dreamt big for a long time, these are things I thought were attainable within 5 to 10yrs, but after our money cutbacks and the UK’s heat or eat crisis, even half of these look like a never thing now.

Over the past 13yrs I’ve seen our weekly budget cut like this £200 a week, £120, £80, £50, £40 we can’t survive another cut, which is predicted by the government in the UK in February 2023.

Such as going to Efteling theme park in Amsterdam in a place called Kaalsheuval – would never have remembered that in a million years!  I haven’t seen it advertised since the program I watched in 2018 showing it!

I may or may not ever do this – get a tattoo of a specific design I have in mind of a raven on my upper left shoulder or shoulder blade.

Grow the meconopsis (Himalayan blue poppy) from seed successfully, they are notoriously hard to grow and I have failed twice so far – but I may not grow it after all.

Go Christmas shopping in New York, that’s been on my bucket list since I was 8yrs old, only when I was 8yrs old I didn’t know what a bucket list was!

Go to New York’s Serendipity 3 and order their famous Opulent Sundae.

Go to Ireland, particular the areas Cork, Leinster and Roscommon, where some of the Irish ancestors came from – for example, one set of my ancestors was a Duke of Leinster (via a 6x great grandmother’s maiden name FitzGerald) and my great grandpa came from Roscommon.

Go to a huge water park, I love water parks – I haven’t been to one since I was 10yrs old, one of my cousins used to take me annually from 4yrs old till I was 10yrs old but then it stopped when she moved too far.  I only like the kind of water parks that let adults on the slides too!  I am a big kid!

Take Henry to the London Dungeons with me, I love that place!

Grow a Japanese acer, they’re so pretty!

Grow a cherry tree from seed to harvest!

Publish a novel.

Get a huge house with 4+ acres of land!  Actually I think the acreage is too small now, I have bigger plans for the garden and making a sustainable food forest type home with some animals like goats etc.  So now my minimal acreage is around 10 acres now.

Make my art project Kabbalah – it’s a woodwork project I have in mind based on the Kabbalah!

Make mosaic planters.

Home make my own garden paving slabs!

Create a large swimming pond, not pool, pond, I want it to be natural… I also want a proper pool too, but there you go.  Hey, I was a kid who loved catching frogs and caring for frog spawn, what do you expect?

Build a rockery/alpine garden.

Go to the Chelsea flower show.

Go to Crufts as a competitor with my dogs… I want to do best of breed but also agility and fly ball at some stage.

Breed a pair of dogs and keep their bloodline for generations, 1 pup from each generation.

Take a cruise on the river Danube.

Have a minimum of 5 children – still wanting that!  I have 1 so far, I need 4 more or I will get grumpy.

Go to the Jurassic coast and look for fossils and amber and generally do some rock pooling or something.

Go to Whipsnade zoo with Henry.

Own some chickens – buff Orpington’s.

Own some goats.

Make an insect hotel.

Go camping with my family.

Go to the Natural History museum with Henry.

Go to the science museum with Henry.

Go to a musical theatre with Henry.

Go to the London aquarium with Henry.

Go on the London Eye.

Go into the tower of London.

Touch a real live, raven.

Have a 6ft aquarium again and decorate it myself.

Build a large hamster city.

Grow Hollyhocks from seed.

Grow and harvest several gourd varieties at once for an excellent autumn photo shoot!

Get a GCSE in math.

Go to a fetish club, never actually been to one, Paul has promised over the years but never got around to it.

Go to a jazz club.

Go to a cocktail bar.

Go to an Italian restaurant that isn’t run by my family!

Go to France and buy macarons.

Go to Hungary and eat proper goulash in a restaurant – I know how to make it, but I want the real stuff!

Make ratatouille for my family.

Home make vegetable soup for Henry – he’s never had it as we could never afford to make it since he was 3yrs old.

Home make onion soup for someone again

Get my ears pierced again as my mother did a bodge job when I was 5!

Go to the day of the dead celebrations.

Go to the Notting Hill carnival.

Go to Mardi Gras.

Grow oyster mushrooms

Make Barbie clothes for a little girl’s doll – preferably a daughter.

Get Cubase back

Compose and sell my own music and lyrics

Make a close circle of Bohemian friends.

Go to Rutland garden centre

Have a jewellery vault like Scrooge McDuck and sit in there like a guarding dragon!  Yes, I know materialism is a bad fantasy, but I’ve always wanted this since I was a kid and I saw Scrooge McDuck and then I saw dragons guarding hoards of treasure and I like magpies and I like shinies…  But knowing me it will all be what my gran calls “a lot of your cheap costume jewellery crap”!  But it makes you feel like you have a big hoard!  They are still shiny, even if they are mostly fake, no?  Another thing about this is, I care for jewellery – so I am hardly going to throw it on the floor of the vault and swim on it.  In any case, they’d be in glass boxes and easily visible in good lighting like a mini jewellery museum, if I had my way!  Weird thing is, other than bangles and finger rings, I don’t like wearing jewellery outside of special occasions.

Become fluent in 5 languages before I am 80yrs old!  

Become fluent in Italian

Become fluent in French

Become fluent in Hebrew

Become fluent in German

Become fluent in Japanese

Learn the tango and the paso doble with a sexy virile man who’d be my husband, because in my best reality I’d have a husband who loves that sort of thing!

Have a hot stone massage

Go for a reiki session

Go to a sauna

Be a regular donator of the shoebox appeal, if I was ever a rich woman I can see me doing hundreds of these boxes at Christmas, I just love kids!  Up until our money got cut badly, I used to do 3 a year.

Have a Indian head massage

Go to the arctic to see wild arctic life, in particular foxes.

Adopt a couple of rescue donkeys

Go to Christmas pantomimes with Henry

Go zorbing

Go on the world’s longest zip wire

Go paintballing

Go to a Centre Parcs holiday

Go on a huge shopping spree offline – I haven’t had one in ages… the last best offline shopping spree I did was £200 for Christmas 2016 and before that it was a £300 clothing only shopping spree in 2010 after I lost 40llbs when Henry was born.  Big contrast to my life before Henry, where £900 a month was a regular treat!  I am way over due for retail therapy.

Buy the latest console with a good set of games!

Go to India with Henry.

Go to Dollyworld with Henry.

Go and swim with the sea turtles with Henry!

Join the women’s institute – used to think I’d like it.

Meeting a huge bunch of celebrities was on my list, too long to mention everyone! 

Take up amateur dramatics again.

Become more active in my party… I’m a member of the labour party and since becoming sick I’ve been inactive – meaning I don’t attend meetings etc. in the village hall anymore and I miss it.

Make sock puppets again

Make puppets for charity

I love Debenham store’s and really wanted to go to one at Christmas with Henry to the biggest one in the UK, but they’ve gone bust as a brand since this list was made!

Go to Hamleys.

Go on the flying Scotsman

Go to a New Year’s Eve party, haven’t been to one since I was 6yrs old!

Go to a Christmas Party, never been to one.

Go to a German Christmas market.

Have an annual un-birthday party – huge fan of Alice in Wonderland, can you tell yet?

Go to the Eden project.

Go to a beach and find fairy glass.

Walk Offas Dike

Walk the entire length of the river Severn as a holiday.

Go to an encounter group

Become proficient in playing the recorder and then moving onto clarinet and saxophone.

Start a YouTube channel

Do a TedTalk, but not sure on what yet lol

Go to the last night of the proms!  BBC proms.

Go shopping in Ross on Wye

Go shopping at Hammersmith again

Go to the Carpathian foothills

Go to Venice for a masquerade and buy lots of Venetian glass and masks!

Go shopping at Covent Garden

Learn to roller-skate!

Learn how to ride a bike!

Go skiing

Go fishing

Holiday on a barge

Party for 3 days on a yacht with a pool!

Go to Styal Woods Wilmslow Cheshire

Go to the Chonqing caves

Go to the Northern Italy black sands caves

Go to Aveline’s Hole – another cave

Go to the Naha suicide tunnels

Go and see the Cheddar Man

Go to Salina Turda Romainia

Go to the Terezia mines in Romainia

Follow the source of the river of Timavo

Go to the Ardia event in Sardinia

Go to a gay pride event

Visit the Karst of canin river and mist forest

Go to the Benin underground city of the Agoji

Go and hear the glaciers sing in Knud Ramussen

Go to Dolly’s desserts in Barnsley

Go to M&M world

Go to China town London

Have cream tea at Fortnum and Mason

Cream tea at the Ritz

Go to American Candyland London

Buy Gucci stuff

Buy Moschino stuff

Buy a Penthouse in London and another in New York or maybe a house in the Hamptons

Go to Duke’s donut shop in Headingley Leeds

Buy Florentine Marble paper

Be on the front cover of Vogue magazine – but I have to get over the fact I am scared of fame first huh?

Start several types of businesses, I have a lot of ideas, but I know it can only be done in baby steps if I want them all to succeed!

Sell merchandise based on my art and stories!

Buy back an ancestral home that’s been turned into a hotel, there’s a handful actually!

Paint with gold leaf

Go to a Holi event – Indian paint throwing

Lose weight and tone up!

Learn to trust and be happy and relaxed!

Thanks for reading!

To whom it may concern

OK, I am being weird again, sorry guys!

My spirits woke me up today with a huge fright – don’t know why I woke up suddenly but it felt like I was frighten awake by something, like I was dragged awake.

They told me when I was still drowsy in just waking up, that I need to put this message out there into the world.

They told me the person who wants to come into my life is struggling a lot at the moment with family matters and obstacles that are beyond my understanding at this moment in time.

The person is emotionally exhausted trying to balance things and formulate a plan to be in my life.

He feels he needs the support of friends and family in order to have the courage to tell me how they feel about me because he is anxious that he is going to cause a huge upheaval in his life only for me to reject him – I won’t.

Spirits also told me, he is trusting the wrong people, some one is backstabbing him and are not being completely honest to him about things.

He can only trust 2 women and 1 much older man apparently. The woman he has considered as a messenger is good, the older lady who is like a godmother and the older man.

This is very weird and interesting.

I honestly don’t know what I am talking about, but you will, apparently.

My spirits asked me if I am ready for my own life to be turned upside down too and to be taken out of my comfort zone in order to have the best possible relationship I can have for myself – a relationship which I will thrive in all areas of my life and heal from my past?

My answer is… Yes.

Because they’ve shown me the intensity of the love this guy will have about me, how protective they are going to be because they don’t want anybody hurting me anymore and he is going to try damned hard to make sure no one gets near me that way again.

They’ve shown me that I will be in a long-term state of anxiety when I am in his life because I am not used to certain things and they definitely said I would be outside of my comfort zone and potentially could be mingling with people who will be very aggressively judgemental about me – but this guy will soon put a stop to all that!

They say there is a major cultural adjustment too.

What I find weird is the name – it’s a very popular family name and all my spirits have told me is it’s the same as one of my older brothers.

I respect your privacy 100% and I will completely take your lead on matters regarding things.

I won’t reject you, because I never ignore my spirits, they believe you are the best for me – so I am waiting for you to make the first move! Simply because I don’t know who you are, duh!

They told me not to be afraid of your approach as it will be out of the ordinary.

I am terrified, but my spirits have told me that you are right about me… I am the master of adaptability, I have regenerated a lot over the years and overcame massive hurdles, I can do it again – especially with you as my guardian, protector, mentor and life partner.

For some reason it’s important to mention Elvis or connections to Elvis to you as that’s a sign you are waiting for. Coincidentally my aunt told me recently as I am losing weight I am looking a lot like Lisa Marie Presley, but I don’t see it! Was told to mention that.

Also to mention you lost some sleep last night and my hands really are that small.. confusing much… but ok… completely letting things out there I am not happy about – I AM GOING OUT ON A LIMB HERE!

Sorry about shouting that, getting more than a little weirded out by it all.

Also, about the heart chakra… stop that!

Oh my goodness it’s like this blog is becoming a descent into madness journal!

YES I ACCEPT YOU!

YES I AM TERRIFIED!

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!

BEWARE WHO YOU HAVE AS SO-CALLED HELPERS!

I LOVE YOU YOU NERVOUS UNCERTAIN BEAUTIFUL ENERGY OF A GUY!

Sorry, to shout – but I like, really need a hug and the kind of connection you are going to be to me. I know you are going to be difficult and bossy a little bit initially because you are insecure, I know you think I dawdle and could potentially waste my talent. I know you believe we’ve had a similar path. I know you really need someone who doesn’t shy away from your physical manifestations of love – I know you will always doubt how real all this is. Me too actually. But the spirits say, it’s a life long relationship, that’s meant to happen.

I am not in the habit of telling people they can’t have things, I am easy going, I am playful, I am not afraid to be weird at times. My confidence will grow when I am with you to be the person I was always meant to be, apparantly, I will become more bold and outrageous around you and you likewise in turn.

They say I am going to transform for the better around you and that you will feel like a kid again in every sense of the word – you will feel rejuvenated and healed, because of my strong maternal instinct of nurturing you and giving you the attention you need and deserve.

They say the worse part of the relationship will be my inability to accept how I can be, what goals I reach and what I can have – basically I have a limited resource and attainability mindset which will frustrate you no end. It’s apparantly the biggest battle we’ll have with each other. Me pushing against reaching higher and higher and you trying to make me reach the heights… you know?

Anyway – I kind of think I know what’s going on – but I am also unsure to trust it. Probably my limited mind-set again?

I don’t know why but the spirits show me that when I meet you, my stomach is going to be so upset, lol.

I suffer from nervous stomach and well, just expect to hear wear growls that’s all!

Thanks for reading!

Spirit guides & dream time

This post is going to be about my spirit animals or animal spirit guides, since this blog has been showing you a lot about my spiritual side; I thought I’d give you more insight to me as a spiritual person.

One of the very first spirit animals that ever showed themselves to me came to me when I was around 4yrs old in the garden.  I was playing by myself when three lizards came out of the cracks of the crazy paving patio and started to climb all over me.  They were very friendly and playful creatures which became tame with me very quickly.

Nobody in my family believed me when I told them that I have baby dragons in the garden who likes to play with me and that they live down the holes.

Because to me at the age of 4, they were baby dragons, I didn’t know them as lizards at the time!

It was thanks to these baby dragons that I developed a love for dinosaurs and dragon movies and anything connected to that sort of thing.

I avidly watched the movie “One Million Years BC” so much it wore the VHS out by the time I was 8yrs old and dad had to buy a new one!

Lizards didn’t stay in my life for long as a physical presence, because by the time I was 6yrs old we moved house and I never saw a wild lizard since.  But they followed me into my dream time.  Protecting me from things that often chased me, they would jump in front of whatever was chasing me have those epic dino fights whilst I got away.  This was a regular dream for me throughout most of my life in fact, as I got older the lizards got bigger and more ferocious in protecting me in dream time.  By the time I was a 11 those lizards became T-rex then after I had watched Jurassic park, they became a pack of velociraptors.

The lizard usually shows up early in childhood with people who are supposed to be magically or spiritually strong, they come into peoples lives during intense spiritual growth spurts.

It is funny to note that a similar animal “The Wolf” came into my life when I was around 9yrs old, they have a similar meaning to lizard, though they tend to join people who feel they are without a pack or who are victims of some kind of abuse, living under constant threat or for people who could easily lose self-control and generally feel unloved by those around them.

The wolf became my main spirit animal for a long time, it vanished almost completely as a dream time spirit guide by the time I was eighteen.  I even had dreams where I was an arctic wolf, running with the pack, where the leader was double the size of the others, scruffy and black.  In my dream time we occasionally turned back into our human forms, he’d be an almost Italian looking young man, with black scruffy or slightly spiky hair, dark eyes and an orange varsity styled jacket.

What I find weird is, when we weren’t running as a pack through a dense dark woodland on the edge of an army barracks in the dreams, I’d be riding behind this guy on his (for some weird reason) a yellow Yamaha motorbike.

Weirdly enough motorbikes were a big thing in a lot of my dream times growing up and I have never actually ridden one in my life!

When I was around 10yrs old, two new temporary spirit guides came into my life.  Robins and bumblebees, but they come and go in my life a lot.  Though at the time the bumblebee first made an appearance to me, they were a shadow animal, it was only in the past 12yrs that they have become more of a guide than a shadow creature now.

Robins came into my life when my grandad was dying of cancer, a robin would visit the family a lot and my grandad said that there is a family legend that we reincarnate as robins to give messages to each other; “I’ll do that for you cocker when I am gone, I’ll be like a little robin postman coming to give you messages.”

It’s strange how whenever there is a big family event coming up or a death that an unusually large male robin comes to visit the garden wherever I live and will peck at the window until I notice it.

I never ignore robins when I notice them, because their behaviour tells me what is going on – though I won’t know who they indicate, I can tell by what the robin does, what kind of event will be taking place soon.

When the bumblebees first arrived as a spirit guide when I was 10yrs old it was a terrifying experience for me; it came in the form of a nightmare. 

I was playing in an adventure playground and it becomes cloudy and dark, I thought it is just a rain cloud coming over head, but it got darker and darker and I couldn’t see anything anywhere, so I left a little play house to go and see why it suddenly became night time.  When I left the little play house, I looked up to see a giant bumble bee, bigger than a house and it stung me and my whole body blew up big and popped!

It was around the time that my dinosaurs and lizards were getting more and more fiercely protective of me and were even starting to sometimes turn against me in some dreams – it was a scary three years in dream time.

When I was 12yrs old I started to get dreams of sitting on the edge of a cliff, singing out loud to whales and they were responding to me and dancing for me in the sea below.  In many of my new dream times, I started to run off the edge of the cliff to dive into the sea to be with them – but when I get to the sea they were rarely there.  The lizards and dinosaurs used to try and stop me jumping into the sea and would try to block my path by waiting at the cliff edge for me to fiercely make me turn back!

After about a year of doing this in dream time, the lizards became desperate, as I found ways to get into the sea time and time again – so the lizards became alligators and crocodiles and they ended up waiting for me in the sea and used their tails to swish me back to the shores again.

When I was around 14yrs old I realised that the invisible energy I was running away from was actually love.  Someone who intensely loved me was chasing me and I was running away afraid of them because they seemed too enthusiastic.

Up until I was 14, I didn’t know what I was running from.

But I evaded this loving person until I was 17, this loving person had a blurry image, an outline or silhouette, I couldn’t see them properly until I wanted to get to know them properly. 

When I was 14 my dream self-developed wings – I think it was my spirits way in overcoming the blockages from the lizards and dinosaurs – I started to dream that I was a raven.

It is around this time that the local rooks, crows, ravens and magpies became very protective of me.  They still are, they’ve never left me.  The corvids are very loyal to me, both in dream time and out of it.

I dreamt almost every night and remembered most events without fail that I would always start my dream at my bedroom window and I would open the window and jump out into the night and fly away as a raven.  I don’t dream that since living with Paul, because our windows are too high up and my spirit has never felt at home here.  I often spiritually revisit my old house in London.

The guy with the spiky hair in the wolf pack also started to develop wings with me around this time, because he felt dejected that I no longer ran with the pack, but flew above it.

He often tried to get me to consider being a wolf again with him, but I was more interested in being the raven as it was more convenient.

It wasn’t until I was around 17 that I realised this guy was the love I was running from, when I realised he was the silhouette person, I started to see the spiky haired guy a lot.

Once I realised he was the same person, I didn’t have dreams of being chased again, until recently, when I asked my spirits about this – as it was the same feeling as before, they told me, who do I think it is?  When I said, is it the spiky guy again?  The silhouette faded and it was him again, but older and with facial hair that seems to come and go, like his colouring, grey to black to peppery, to black, to grey, to black again.

Nearly forgot that squirrels have been around me a lot since I was around 7yrs old too, they tame around me really easily, particularly the grey or black ones.  Some people who know me can definitely see squirrel qualities in my personality!  Lol

Some squirrels were so tame they’d come and go in the house like pets when my bedroom window was opened.

When I was 15yrs old I learned seals get distressed whenever they see me leaving them – they love me, they stalk me, they screech and panic and get very upset when I leave them.  It’s weird and embarrassing when I am in zoos.

Aged 20 I found that cows like me too much too and to this day, cows can be bothersome with me.  They try to kidnap me, seriously.  I can’t walk past a herd of cows without them following me and circling me and trying to keep me.  Paul can testify that we live near a canal, where across the other side of the canal is a herd of cows, whenever they see me, they enter the canal to get to the other side and have been known to follow me and get lost from their farm, just because they won’t leave me alone.  I can’t go to that particular area of the canal pathway anymore, because of the amount of runaway cows that I seem to cause there!

What is weird is that I have the symbol of Hathor the Egyptian goddess on my hand as part of my palmistry lines.  She was a cow goddess – perhaps they think I am her?  I don’t know it’s blooming weird whatever the case may be!

The cow is one of my strongest spirit guides too; those the raven, grasshoppers and the butterflies are the strongest and longest serving for me.

Butterflies tell me about productive ideas and new births within the family, they told me every time I got pregnant, before I even did a pregnancy test.  I’ve been pregnant three times in my life and every time I have got pregnant, a blue butterfly has flown between my legs or landed on my hand just as the pregnancy was only 2 weeks in gestation.  It’s weird that it is consistent. 

Also butterflies turn up whenever I have new story or art ideas or when Brain Hurricane season is about to set in or if I am about to undergo a huge change in my life or transformation.

The Grasshoppers tell me about travelling to new places or moving home.  They don’t really contact me for anything else and they always do so via physical manifestation, rather than dream time.

Whenever I am without a pet, I notice ginger cats try to adopt me in the street or garden, then they leave as soon as I have any kind of pet in the home again.  It’s like a stop gap pet and it’s always a ginger cat of some description.

Another queer thing about zoo animals is whenever I go to a zoo with cheetahs or snow leopards, they seem to love me and will try to get as close to me as possible.  They seem to love me, whereas they are aloof with everyone else.

Field mice are also attracted to me for some reason as are frogs, toads, bats and herons.

Most recently my dreams are getting lots of flamingos, ibises and peacocks, as well as cockerels, rabbits and puppies.

I also remember around 2003 to 2006 can’t remember exactly when but stags became a huge thing in dream time, and at the time the spiky hair dude was there, but we had a little misunderstanding about things.  The dream was surreal to me, because he started to tell me that he is real and did I know that?  He also told me he wanted me in his life and he is going to find me outside of dream time.  I told him, you have some issues to sort out first though; I won’t like it if you come how you are right now.

He made a vow to change himself.  Around this time he was wearing a lot of stag symbols and even nicknamed himself The Buck.  I don’t know since I woke up, what it was he needed to change, but I do know it is something I wouldn’t have liked about him if we knew each other back then.  But whatever I don’t hold grudges, people change and you got to let them move on – it’s not healthy digging up their pasts if it is behind them.

I do know that he became worried around early 2004 because an ex of mine hurt me so much, that for nearly five years I didn’t want to consider any new healthy relationship with a man again.  I think he thought even if he did find me in reality, I wouldn’t welcome him anymore.  He’d been right until 2008.

Took a lot for me to heal that wound!

I was going through a very unhealthy time as far as other relationships were going too.

It’s weird but dream time to me is like another reality – like a parallel.  Because when I got pregnant with Henry in 2009 it also caused a bit of emotional turmoil for this guy when he found out – he became almost lost until 2013, until he started to try harder to connect with me and over the years since then, he appears to be getting spiritually stronger.

Almost obsessively so in the past two years in particular, to the extent he can tap into my chakras from time to time in the past month now – Paul told me, it sounds like whoever this guy is, must be adept at transcendental meditation.

Even Paul has been getting a spiritual instinct that someone is telling him to “back away from their girl”.  Which coincidentally started around two weeks before Paul met his new woman.

Even Paul keeps telling me, he doesn’t believe this guy is a dream – he truly believe this guy is imminent and will be coming into my life sooner than I think!

I kind of pooh pooh it off, because I think I am nuts to be honest with you.  But Paul is like… if you are nuts, then so am I, because you know me!  I am not spiritual at all – but this is strong enough that even I can feel it and you’ve got to get ready and when he comes, you say yes and you go with him if he tells you to!

I thought woah, OK, that’s a bit much!

But he reckons it’s going to be like that.

It’s too surreal and too weird and I am not sure I am going to fully embrace the speed of it all, if Paul is right.

But if it is real – gosh… the idea makes me cry, because I have wanted that kind of love for too long now, that I am not sure if I can get used to it and I am scared that I would push them away, as I may not be comfortable with how nice they’re going to be, as stupid as that sounds!

All I know is, when they turn up, it’s not going to be conventional… something tells me he is a tricky one – safe… but tricky…

Thanks for reading!

1st reading p2

Here is part two of my tarot card and oracle readings for the month to come and R means that the card is in reverse.

These are the tarot decks and they are;

1 – Russell Grant’s Astro Tarot

R-CHARIOT – R-RABBIT – HEIROPHANT – R JUDGEMENT

1. R CHARIOT

The card shows me there is indecision, hesitation or a slowing down of energies.  Because of what happened in my oracle decks, I take this as I am hesitant to make a decision because of emotional struggles and potentially trust issues.

1. R RABBIT

This indicates that I will feel insubstantial to something; it is making me feel that what is happening, whatever it might be is implausible and not real, or a trick.

This cards position also shows me that I must not be sceptical, rude or abrupt to the person who is coming with an offer for something, as this person is a loving individual who means to help me and lift me up in some way.  They are also someone who feels there is a deep spiritual connection with me and the cards warn that they are just as fiery as I am and their willpower is stronger, so tread carefully! 

1. HIEROPHANT

This card indicates a relationship where spiritual values are well-matched.  Someone is about to reveal a huge secret to me and give me plenty to think about.  They are going to be part of my major transformation and increased sense of overall wellbeing.

This person fully wants to adopt me into their life on all possible levels of existence, but ultimately they want to be my mentor for life and living well.  They could also increase my spiritual power.

1. R JUDGEMENT

Something is going to make me restless.  I have definitely reached the end of a phase in my life and will have to say goodbye to some people.

There could be disappointment with a legal matter or legal papers or a small delay in them, which will ruin plans on the short term. 

This card also indicates an offer for a change of abode/home. 

Personally I think that for this to happen in just 4 weeks, is just too fast, but there you go.

• – THE TRADITIONAL RIDER WAITE TAROT DECK

QUEEN OF CUPS – QUEEN OF WANDS – 7 PENTACLES – KING OF SWORDS I ALSO DROPPED THE 10 OF WANDS

• QUEEN OF CUPS – under reversed chariot

This card shows me that there is definitely a new romantic relationship that could start in the next four weeks.  It is also indicating that there is nurturing energy around me too, someone who is kind, compassionate, empathic with me on most if not all levels.  This person is going to be supportive and heal my emotional wounds and help me learn to move on and have fun with life.

This person has very powerful, strong but gentle energy about them throughout this entire reading overall.

It’s going to be a very deep relationship that also indicates that eventually we will also be part of each other’s career somehow.  They are a creative person like me, perhaps we’ll collaborate?

There is a slowing down however, as there is reversed chariot energy above the queen of cups.  So we’re taking it slower than we’d like, because I think we both have a bit of nervous tension here and some kind of blockade to overcome?

• QUEEN OF WANDS – under the reversed rabbit card

This card is a card of transformation again as well as indicating a new relationship or a strong fidelity coming my way.  So this card shows me there is a lot of determination and passion from this other person towards me, it’s almost like obsessive energy but it’s certainly not toxic energy, other cards have assured me that.

Despite an oracle card earlier indicating that this person is going to make the decision for me, but it is a decision they made out of love, not from a place of control – because they can see that I do not trust easily and they are so desperate to show me that they are different, and according to the reading overall, they really are!

You see the rabbit energy above the Queen of wands tells us, that I am insecure about how real their offer of a relationship with me is.  I am the one being cautious and frightened to go with my heart and instinct as I am scared of getting hurt or being tricked again.

• THE SEVEN OF PENTACLES – under the hierophant

Is showing me that again, there is a relationship because I have become somebodies labour of love – they are determined and persevering to show me that they are different.  It’s really lovely to see how much work they are willing to put into trying to convince me they are OK, that they are genuine.  With the hierophant energy they are trying hard to mentor me to heal and to trust. 

They are so full of patience with me, that it’s actually very touching to read this…

It even shows they are willing to sacrifice a lot for themselves in order to convince me and show me another way, they are really investing a lot of themselves for my happiness and to help me heal and to be with me.

Other cards in the past showed me that this person will put a hold on their entire life, even their career if needs be, if it meant that they got me in their life. 

Seriously dude, whoever you are, you don’t need to be so drastic, OK?  I am sure we’ll figure something out!

• KING OF SWORDS – under the reversed judgement

The King of swords indicates a struggle with figures in authority, particularly as it is underneath the reversed judgement card.  Someone in authority is holding something back from progressing as fast as I would like.  Their standards are high and strict and they could be blocking how fast my transformation is. 

I need to be stern about what is going on and show people I won’t be pushed away from something or someone, but I also see that I need someone else’s candid approach to make things work too, this is a third person I am seeing here – someone who holds the keys to legal documents or some kind of authority over me or this new person coming into my life.

• TEN OF WANDS – under the Queen of cups

I see that there is a huge obstacle I have overcome in order for this new relationship to come about – the huge blockade will successfully have been removed but it isn’t without its blood sweat and tears for the both of us involved.

It strongly indicates that the block is coming from my new person’s career, but his friends will support him all the way and will help ease him out of a sticky situation.  Fascinating.

We both will definitely feel a little burnt out because of the struggle, it is definitely a stressful time.  But the hurdle has been got over and we are going to be OK it appears.

• – KABBALISTIC TAROT

10 OF CUPS – R QUEEN OF SWORDS – R 3 OF WANDS – THE MAGICIAN

• 10 of cups – under the Queen of wands

OK so this is a good reading but it feels unrealistic, I am not usually a pessimist but the readings I have been getting lately are outrageously outlandish!  It’s totally out there – it’s too good to be true, you know? 

The ten of cups is always a positive thing to have in your reading it means, abundance, it indicates legacy, it indicates wealth and prosperity it is not dissimilar to the wheel of fortune, there is definitely a lot of positive energy and happiness in this card. 

It is immediately underneath the Queen of wands and she is directly underneath the rabbit card – all of this indicates a wonderful relationship that will literally alter my reality in every single way shape and form.

I told you the energy I have been sensing lately is BIG! 

Happiness, homecomings, fulfilment, emotional stability, security, domestic harmony is all indicative of this card.  In just 4 weeks?  No way, I can’t see how!  But amazing if it’s true!

It’s the “you’re gonna have it all” card.  To be frank, I’m scared at how quick this is coming… I mean, like… WTF?

Deep spiritual connection, new relationship, feeling of being delusional that things are not real – then this card shows up?  No freaking way!

Gosh, who is this guy?

I am going to burst I can tell you and I am going to feel so stupid next month if I am doing another reading and there is nothing that happened, lol.

• R QUEEN OF SWORDS – under the 7 of pentacles

I am very pessimistic with what the person coming into my life is all about, this card shows that I am judging them harshly and maybe lose my temper with them a bit because I feel that they are wrong about what they want from me.

But they are going to persevere because they really want this!  They are not going to give up on me and they won’t let me give up on life either!  There are going to be some harsh home truths coming my way or going their way, either or both.  

It’s going to be hard, because this person is going to use a trick to convince me and I will apparently fall for it.  But it’s not a nasty trick, because the cards above it indicate otherwise, but to onlookers what he will propose to me looks utterly toxic, but it’s what is necessary for him to do in order to show me that – hey – I am real and genuine with you and I am going to have you!

According to the reading as a whole, they are completely consumed by me and they are not letting me go anywhere, they are not taking no for an answer, because they can sense I really want this too!  And to be honest with you, I do!  I think…

They are going to lay my life on the table and make me look at it and then offer me something completely different, but I won’t believe them because I feel unworthy and that’s when they are going to shove it in my face apparently… harshly… then give me an ultimatum about it!

Phew, oh boy, some big energy from this guy!  It kind of makes me feel like saying… “Who do you think you are you beautiful lovely persistent asshole”?  Whilst also hugging him tight and not letting him go anywhere!

• R 3 OF WANDS – under the King of swords!

So again, we have a delay because of authority, but also a delay could be caused by my insecurities with what is going on with my new person.  I or they have to learn to compromise and understand new things.

We both need to lay all of our problems on the table immediately to clear the air so we can help each other overcome all of our obstacles, so that the relationship can start smoothly.

Patience for all of us is called for, patience is the key – don’t be eager to rush ahead, because it could scare the weaker person away… the weaker person is me as the cards indicate that throughout.

There are also challenges at my partner’s work!  Who the heck has a job where their boss has a say on what goes on in their personal life?  All I can think of is that maybe this is indicative of a military establishment?  I can’t think of any other industry where someone would have to answer to their boss about new relationships… if you can please comment below!

• THE MAGICIAN – under the 10 of wands

So OK, the hurdles we had to leap over in regards to starting our new relationship was definitely indicative of my persons career – but now the cards say that we are going to be OK because we will overcome it with our skills and trickery and desire and sheer willpower!   We are both powerful masters of manifestation, so he is a highly spiritual person, whoever he may be!

It’s definitely going to be a battle of the wills, most likely for him more than me as the cards indicate my willpower is much less than his, I am easy in defeat but he certainly isn’t giving up!

He is certainly going to make things happen and he is pulling out all of the resources to make sure he gets what he wants here!  There is no stopping this guy, I think I am in love with him before I’ve even met him – I love persistent little asshats with an huge ego who grabs life by the balls and don’t let anyone get them down, gosh I love this guy! 

Come to me daddy, come on! Lol

• – THE WITCHES TAROT by Ellen Cannon Reed

R 6 OF WANDS – 10 OF WANDS – 5 OF SWORDS – R ACE OF CUPS – R SUN

• R 6 OF WANDS – under the 10 of cups

Although the card it is under is great and very exciting, it also indicates that my confidence is at an all-time low or that maybe my new person may feel a little neglected because of my insecurities to relax around them.

I really do need to change my attitude and build my esteem or this relationship could turn bitter, if I am insecure for too long.

This reading totally indicates that I will be to blame if this relationship fails because of my insecurities and my inability to believe in myself.

I’ll drive this poor patient guy into exhaustion because I won’t understand why he likes me so much.  But like all fortune telling, tarot cards are here to show us what is what and how not to make bad things happen.  So I have a lot of self-reflection to do and I can’t sit back and say “I am not worthy” when he wants me so much, it isn’t fair.  He has worked hard to get to where he is in asking me for this relationship and probably will lose a lot too, over it. 

It’s almost like I feel he is too good to be true that I am talking him out of the relationship, because… why are you bothering with someone like me?  Look at me… you know.  I know I am insecure, but I can totally see why this card says this!

So I have to believe in this guy as much as he believes in me, it can’t all be one sided here!

The cards are more or less saying – it will be successful, IF I LET IT HAPPEN!  My insecurities and my self-value will determine if this happens or not! 

There is nothing else against us except for this authority figure that is controlling him and my own insecurities, if these things can be overcome, we will be flying!

• 10 OF WANDS AGAIN – under the reversed Queen of swords

This energy is doubled as it was in the reading earlier!  Here is a reminder of what that said.

“I see that there is a huge obstacle I have overcome in order for this new relationship to come about – the huge blockade will successfully have been removed but it isn’t without its blood sweat and tears for the both of us involved.

It strongly indicates that the block is coming from my new person’s career, but his friends will support him all the way and will help ease him out of a sticky situation.  Fascinating.

We both will definitely feel a little burnt out because of the struggle, it is definitely a stressful time.  But the hurdle has been got over and we are going to be OK it appears.”  This is doubled in its energy here. 

But because this card is also under the reversed Queen of swords it also shows us that once again my insecurities are a huge factor in the success or failure of this relationship and my person is not the type to give up without a fight!

He is going to have me and I just have to love him for it, basically, because ultimately, all the cards and previous readings have indicated we’re perfect for each other, we are going to be so happy together, but it’s all down to my acceptance that I am worthy of all this!

My other readings in other fortune telling mediums and other tarot readings have shown me, this is a till death do us part relationship – so once we overcome the hurdles, we are each other’s last, long-term relationship!

• 5 OF SWORDS – under the reversed 3 of wands

There is a huge conflict against a figure of authority again, there are major hostilities going on because of what my person wants and someone is getting in their way, big time! 

This shows, although they will win on this matter he will lose something equally important to him. 

This indicates that we are both victorious in what we want, but we are going to be left picking up the pieces of something that has been completely destroyed by this third person.  For my person, they literally have to start again from scratch. 

This makes me feel so bad for them!

What are they losing?  Looks like their career or something… its huge whatever it is!  The card indicates a friendship tied to a career.

But whatever it is, my person is glad to have done it because the inner conflict of not having what he wants the most would hurt him more, according to the cards – so for him, it was worth it in his eyes!

Yikes, I feel so awkward.

• THE REVERSE ACE OF CUPS – under the magician

We will endure a long suffering to get to where we want to if this is a relationship reading, like it appears to be. 

There is insecurity in the relationship, it could also mean a breaking up or a parting of the ways, but that could just be between Paul and I, because as I have said before in other posts, we’re on the cusp of separation and this new person is definitely here to stay according to so much in this reading as well as others in the past.

The magician shows us that we do prevail, but it’s going to be sad, frustrating and there are going to be hostile people around us initially.

• THE REVERSED SUN – under the reversed 6 of wands

Once again my pessimism gets into the way a little bit.  I am confused why this person likes me so much and it could put a block up for us both to start the relationship.

I understand that I do want him as much as he wants me, but for me, the cards show me I will think he is far too good for me and that why would he want someone who like me when there are better out there for him?

The cards show me this is some top quality guy, ticks all of my boxes in every single way, but I feel so insecure about myself because I have a low opinion on both my looks and my personal situation that I just can’t see, why he’d want someone like me! 

True if he is exactly like how I am reading him to be… in my opinion, why would he want a fat, 40yr old, who is deaf and one step away from society calling her trailer trash?

I mean, come on, I am a realist you know?  Things like this don’t happen to women like me!

The cards tell me, stop this attitude, because it’s real, get out of your head woman and just accept your fate!

Everything indicates this is destiny, yet all I can think about is… if he turns up and he is as great as these cards says he is, I am going to either faint run away or vomit!  I am a highly stressed individual with a constant nervous stomach!

• – THE BEAUTIFUL CREATURES TAROT DECK

R 4 OF SWORDS – PARANORMAL – R CHARIOT – WHEEL OF FORTUNE – 8 OF CUPS AND R 10 OF CUPS

• REVERSE 4 OF SWORDS – under the 10 of wands

It’s a restless time there is a lot to do, it’s going to be an emotional and bumpy ride and the stress can affect my health a little bit. 

There is a temporary blip in the new relationship, where I am given time to think things through after an ultimatum, they are going to give me time to adjust to what they are going to offer me in my life with them.  They won’t let me rush my decision either, they will find it hard to remove themselves from me in the short term, but they believe it is necessary to force some kind of reflection and absorb it all. 

They ultimate will be relentless in telling me that I am absolutely what they want and they will be very harsh with me about it, they don’t like how I feel about myself.

The temporary blip will rejuvenate me and it will ignite something big in the both of us.  This is totally going to improve matters and make things final, that we are going to have a relationship – as long as I am determined to be strong and think differently about myself and what it means for us both as a whole.

This card is not final – this card is indicative of what may happen if I allow my insecurities to take over.  So basically… do I really want to be put into a situation where I want them, but they removed themselves from me for a time, because I am having adjustment issues?

Hmm.  If they are as great as I think they are, then – no way do I want that.  So, I have to swallow my inverse pride and get on with it and jolly well be happy about it too!

• PARANORMAL CURIOUSITY under the 5 of swords

A dire need to sort something major out in in my life.  This indicates that the supernatural will take over this problem and create a miracle for us so that we can manifest our aims.

This is in regards to dealing with the figure of authority who is trying to get in the way – this is right after the cards which said my person could lose a lot and have to start again somehow. 

Apparently someone is going to do something unethical and I am not to step on their toes about their beliefs regarding how to handle this matter. 

I am not allowed to know what it is that happens to make the changes necessary – the spirits have asked me not to pry into this.

• R CHARIOT – under the reverse ace of cups

This cards energy is doubled as it has occurred twice in this reading in the same line – reverse chariot below the ace of cups which is below the magician, which is below the 10 of wands, which is below the queen of cups that is below the reversed chariot – so we have the reverse chariot at the beginning of the reading and we have the reverse chariot at the end of the reading in the same quadrant.

So there is a delay in whatever is about to occur, this is definitely indicative.

So there is definitely a lot of hostility about us being together and there is a lot of blockages and I have to trust my instincts that this guy is genuine and that he knows what he wants and it happens to be me!

No two ways about it.

It’s going to be hard and emotional and I have to get used to it, or lose it all, whilst he too, will lose it all because of me and I have to live with the guilt if I don’t!

As this energy shows me, some very negative stuff will be witness by me, if I choose to let my insecurities get the better of me and I will become sick very quickly as a result of this.  Something terrible will happen to the guy who wants me, if I am not going to be brave enough to accept what I want and that I am deserving of good things.

Something so bad could happen if I refuse him that I will never forgive myself and I will become bitter and broken hearted and very ill.

Basically, I know it sounds dramatic.  But it’s like we’re both going to die if we don’t get together… you know what I mean?

I mean crap…

Who are we Romeo and Juliet?

Sorry but… erm… ew… I don’t do romance… definitely not Shakespearian romance!

Gosh we’ve got to get a grip on ourselves!

• WHEEL OF FORTUNE – under the reverse sun

Yeah ok this is indicative of fate, destiny, tremendous luck, good fortune and everything else that good! 

We are definitely going to have a good life together, it is all going to be brilliant, it is pre-ordained almost, so I suppose I have to swallow my inverse pride and get brave and stop humbling myself huh?

It makes me sound ungrateful and moody and pessimistic, but I know I am going to be so happy anyway… so I really don’t get what it is that is making me so insecure about the guy!

He is going to be either super-hot, rich or famous or knowing my luck all three and that’s why I can’t believe it and I am running away…

In fact it would probably explain a lot, but NAH it’s not like…. NAH….

Look it’s not like my biggest celeb crush of all time is going to knock on my door is it? 

Or is it?

Oh my gosh…

Well, you’ll never know if it is!  Lol, I have enough celebrities in my family to know how to keep things to myself for their privacy sake!

So, too bad for you if it is this…

OMG

Could be…

Nah!

Just probably super hot and kinda well off.

Was told to read the reverse sun again – OMG stop being so pessimistic!  HELP… no please don’t… but please do… I mean… I never wanted to be mega famous; I am scared of the paparazzi!  Especially after what they did to someone in my…  never mind… forget what I said!

• EIGHT OF CUPS under the 4 of swords

“The Eight of Cups signifies time for change or transition, by means of walking away from something. Just like a caterpillar has to die before transforming into a beautiful butterfly, we all need to transform ourselves in our lives from time to time. This is the case especially after being tired of living what was the day to day, and embarking on a journey that will help one have a deeper understanding about life in general.” I have quoted this from Labyrinthos which has been helping me with the readings…

OMG I have been saying I am like a caterpillar and butterfly for ages now!

I am asked if the partner is good for me then why am I trying to make them abandon me?

They will walk away for a small time, but not first without giving me an ultimatum… again, it’s my fault with my insecurities.  I have got to just go with the flow and just do what my heart wants to and that is to scream YES OK in their face whilst dancing like a lunatic…

• REVERSE TEN OF CUPS under the paranormal card

There is definitely a separation, but that’s definitely me and Paul… as we know we are on the road to that right now.

An external figure is trying to get in the way of my new relationship, we have established that already and we know it is something to do with his job – however, this card also indicates it could also be a relative of his.

Some arguments could be very public – erm I don’t like the sound of this.

But either way, we’re sticking together and apparently after a long while of stress and hostility from others, we will be OK.  More than OK in fact and according to the cards, people will relax about us quicker than we anticipate.

Unfortunately though, again, I feel guilty.  Because this guy is going to lose a lot – gosh I hope I am worth it, poor guy!

I really want to squeeze him tight right now as I feel real bad about it all.

But know this… I like the sound of you whoever you are!

Though quite frankly you terrify me and I have no idea why, yet!

Thank you for reading and thank you whoever you are for trying so hard!

1st reading part 1

I like to do a once a month tarot and oracle reading on average.  I am not confident of my reading ability, though many people who I have read for in the past have indicated that I am very accurate and spooky.

I have decided to share the monthly readings online, because a spirit told me that someone is interested in the mysticism that’s in my life and wants to see more of it, they also indicated that our cards might be similar…  I wonder who that is?  Let me know if it’s you in the comments below!

My oracle reading for the next four weeks;

1 – Druid animal oracle by Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm

EAGLE

This card indicates that I have a huge decision to make this month.

I may also make a powerful alliance with someone.

There will definitely be some kind of detachment from something or someone or rejuvenation because of one or both of the above.

I may have to have courage in whatever this card is indicating, the decision or the person or the situation.

2 – The Lovers Oracle pack

MANIFESTING MIRACLES

My dreams are soon to become a reality.

I have to trust my heart and continue to follow in its guidance.

3 – Chakra wisdom oracle cards by Tori Hartman

VICTIM

This card represents the Heart Chakra – so that chakra could be the most dominant this month particularly with the below meaning behind it;

I am going to be in denial of a situation that will occur to me

I am asked to make a major decision regarding my whole life

I will feel delusional about what is offered, I won’t believe the person, but apparently it’s not a trick as the other cards in this reading will show and indicate…

The offer is about both growth and empowerment, but other cards in the reading indicate it could be a new relationship too, where growth & empowerment will be important throughout that relationship

The card is VICTIM – but this indicates I could be the victim of my own inability to see that I am worthy of this potential offer or relationship!

4 – The Spirit of the Animals Oracle – I was only meant to draw one card from this pack but 3 fell when I had barely shuffled after asking my question and I read them all as I felt an instinct to do so! 

4.1 BEE – COMMUNITY

The bee indicates an increase in communication, community spirit or social matters in my life.

It is also a powerful manifestation card, meaning that something I have wanted a long time is coming to me. 

It is also a card meaning reward, gifts or an offer.

This is another reason why I believe it is a new relationship coming into my life and they are coming with an offer that will change my life.

4.2 GRIZZLY BEAR – POWER

The grizzly bear shows me that there is an increase in my personal power coming soon, or a person coming into my life that has a lot of personal power.

If it is a person coming into my life, this person is strong, powerful, protective and loving towards me. 

4.3 EAGLE – MASTERY

To have two eagles from two different packs indicates an increase in all the eagle energies of the reading, so it is intensified.

But this particular oracle deck suggests that this card for this reading mainly indicates letting go of the past.  This is yet another reading I have had a lot of in the past nine weeks about how my life is going to be turned literally upside down but for the better in every possible area of my life!

All previous readings I have had from the past few weeks indicated to me that November 2022, February 2023, July 2023 and September 2023 are all going to be major months in my life with big upheavals or events.  In a previous reading it indicates in July 2023 there will potentially be immigration, leaving my homeland not just the house but the whole country!  But I have no plans for that – yet… what’s changing?  Well another reading a few days ago showed me that July 30^th could be a wedding date, now that’s super-fast, if this is a new relationship that’s happening!

5 – Tea Leaf Fortune Cards by Rae Hepburn

I dropped 2 from the first of two piles.  I read them both.

5.1 DRAGON

Beware of self-delusions.  This is another card which has indicated the above again… I have a hard time accepting when anything good happens to me, I am always expecting a trick behind it, you know?

5.2 CLUB

Someone will make a decision for me or will force me to make a decision or do something – again, a decision to react.

Pile 2 is next as this is a huge deck that needs to be split…

5.3 BUTTERFLY

A change for the better! 

Again over the past three months, I have got a lot of cards about how I am going through a major transformation.

I thought it would be interesting to let you know how these cards were arranged so far…

The bee had the dragon underneath it – which shows that the decision I have to make, I will probably not feel worthy of again, so this is definitely a major message here.

The grizzly bear had the club directly underneath that, which is kind of scary when you see a grizzly bear with a club in its hands!  Lol – but on a serious note, this is about power play, someone wants a decision and they might not be afraid to make it for me if I am too insecure or dithery about it.  Remember this person indicates a loving, strong and protective person.

The eagle has the butterfly underneath it, which shows us that I will be letting go of the past because of a major transformation happening in my life, the transformation is happening because of this major decision and potential alliance/relationship and I am required to have courage and move onto greener pastures.

So that’s what’s going to be happening in the next four weeks according to my oracle cards of the reading. 

The tarot decks will be done in part 2.

Thank you for reading!