Curious lost lines

Brain hurricane season is still present; I have had more ideas in the past few days than I knew what to do with.

This appears to be a long one and I blame it all down to the “Bluewater technique” I spoke about in a previous post.

I really did try to force myself to write something every day whether it’s going to be published or not, whether it’s more than a sentence or not and I got thinking about some very wacky things!

You’ll see them as posts such as “If I were a fairy” or “life of a mermaid” though the latter is due in the first week of June, so you won’t see that just yet.

Somethings I consider unpublishable or are unfinished poems or plays.

I don’t like to leave poems unfinished but it is a habit I am trying to get out of because a book I’ve been reading called “How to grow your own poem” by Kate Clanchy says, it is easy to lose a good line, never delete the line when you don’t know where its taking you, store them in a folder called “lost lines” and come back to them later, a poem doesn’t need to be rushed.

So I’ve done that and have accumulated approximately twenty unfinished and would be deleted poems in just a week!

They don’t even have to be poems actually; they could be good prose lines for a short story or a novel.

Who knows where those lost lines will lead us?

There is a whole paragraph which seems exciting, but I don’t know why yet.  But it’s very intriguing and it’s called “The Masters of Dream”.

I haven’t been able to add more to it yet, because in all honesty I was busy with other things today and working on those things with a raging head and ear ache.

But I could not ignore that paragraph, which started like that.

I hope I have time tomorrow to think about it and see what this is!

Thanks for reading!

I regret the scrawls

I’m lost in pain

Drowned in thoughts

Twisted in knots

My heart churns like a sick stomach

Going insane with the loneliness

Swirling in a spell of bad blood

Spitting poisons and toxins till they flood

Because I had a dream

The dream scared me

Told me I can’t be free of being used

Cast away like an old shoe

Nobody can love someone like me

Because I’m ugly, can’t I see?

I’m stupid, immature and broken

Even worse, I’m stupid because I’ve spoken

About my fears though they might be wrong

But I can’t wait till I belong

With someone who loves me true and through

Someone to swim with me in the blue

Or better yet pick me up in a yacht

And sail off with me like a shot

I try to think of better things

But fears like that just ring and ring

Inside my head day and night

It makes me dribble words when I write

Lots of drivel on my blog

Creating a depressing catalogue

Of all my thoughts, hopes and fears

Things I will regret down the years

But I do try to calm myself

And put my feelings on a shelf

But the burden grows intense with weight

So writing this alleviates

Though it’s hard to stomach I know that

I am sorry for all the inner combat

I haven’t slept last night not much at all

Just sat up and regret the scrawls

But I need to get these things out there

Because those dreams did really scare!

Their mouths

The world mouths at me

Their mouths bite

Their mouths jeer

Their mouths sneer at the sight of me

Me, the raven upon the wing

She who will save the children

She who obeys the word

She who will lead the herd to pastures new

The world sees me as darkness

But I shine bright my light

So bright it is as though I have blinded them

Poor children lost in night

I was made

I was created to love you and hold you in my arms

Stroke your hair as you snuggle, whilst I fall for your charms

I was made to help you, feel like a child again

Only this time you are nurtured and I’ll help the pain to end

I was created for you, so you had someone to hold

Someone to always be there for you, someone you could mould

We’ll be like peacocks you and I and the world will be in awe

Because together you and I, we will surely soar

You need a playmate and a friend, who’ll have patience, love and care

And you will be my guardian, my big ferocious bear

You needed someone like me, to follow in your games

And be a changeling for you, nothing is ever the same

You want a docile woman, who will be like a little doe

Who tirelessly follows wherever you may go

You want a dedicated woman who will pep talk you and soar

But ultimately you want her to match you and more!

You want me to be creative; I can do that for you

You love brainstorming with me it’s your favourite thing to do

We are both like children, enthusiastic in our play

What is life going to be like tomorrow?  It won’t be like today!

I’m an undemanding woman, well, outside love and foreplay!

I hope we will be together some day?

I am an unassuming woman, I don’t want a lot

Just lots of love and snuggles and some babies in a cot

I just want a garden and a few little pets

But outside that, I just want you because with you I am set!

I can’t wait will we’re together

But I don’t think we will

Because there is something stopping you

And it makes me ill

I know I’ll die without you

If you chose not to come

Because I was made for you and that is why I’ve come

I am going to stop this poem

Because I’ve said all I can

But you need to know this one thing…

I am lost without my man!

Tight Spot

I beg to know who it is

That sees me every night

They talk to me everyday

With their second sight

I need to know who it is

That wished me into life

It pains me to be apart from them

It hurts me like a knife

They need to do so much

To prepare for me

But I am ready for them, whoever they may be

They tell me they’re not ready

They have lots of things to do

But who and where they are

I have little clues

But it can’t be he that I see

Because it’s very strange

I sometimes wonder if it’s real

Or if I am deranged

Because who I see is magnificent

A wonder true and through

Surely you are not this person?

Surely it’s not true?

My spirits have told me

I am on the right track

But I don’t believe them

I feel like a wack!

But if you are this person

Then I understand

That maybe you will never become my man

Because life is very difficult for you right now

You’re a big ship; it’s not an easy sail

But I want you to know

I am here for you

Whenever you are brave enough

Call me to you

But I feel dejected

As I always thought

You would someday come to me

Like I’ve always been taught

My spirits they have promised

That for you I was made

But perhaps from your own heart, you have strayed

You’ve forgotten yourself perhaps

Only time will tell

But until you come to me, I will live in Hell

I am unassuming, I don’t want a lot

Just lots of love and snuggles and a safety spot

I know I will be a burden

For I haven’t had much love

But it isn’t really fair for me to feel pushed and shoved

Because I can feel you every time you think of me

Because I am locked to you, I am not free

I feel every thought and question

I feel you so, so well

It’s like you manifested me in some weird spell

But I do know this

If you don’t want me

From this body, my spirit shall flee

Because I am not here for anyone else

This body is nothing without you, just a cell

So make up your mind

Am I coming home or not?

Because I am lost without you

I’m in a tight spot

Keep in touch with your soul

Life has a sour grace

Bittersweet memories of a better place

Sometimes when you’re down you are kicked in the face

But sometimes there’s a person who eases the pain with an embrace

Childlike innocence gets taken for a ride

Be careful you are not lost when the oil has dried

Keep true to yourself, don’t get lost in the fray

Don’t follow other people who have lost their way

I’m dreaming of a time when life becomes a paradise

Stay true to yourself, take my advice

No matter how lonely the road to YOU may be

Just keep to your truth and you will see

That the pains and the burdens won’t hurt as much

Keep true to yourself, with your soul stay in touch!

Lost notes

I have lost six pages to the steampunk project, I am furious.  I haven’t the clue where it has gone! 

I wrote the first idea of it around two years ago and I have box files, decorative envelopes and ring binders all in three different places around the house for the sake of space – but those notes aren’t in any of them!

To top it all, it is extremely painful to go searching for them all, because my spleen is having one of its bad swollen days so any movement is torture!

I have forgotten many of the planned characters for the comic, their names, I remember one was a capuchin monkey and I knew it was a girl, but I have completely forgotten the name I gave her, which was part of the fun and pun of the comic as she was a sidekick’s beleaguering girlfriend!

I hope I find it soon – thankfully it wasn’t something I wanted to write towards immediately, but it was something I wanted to find to help me practise some artwork for it.  I can only remember around eight main characters of the series.

I didn’t think it would be easy to make artwork of various kinds of apes, but I am actually finding them easier than I assumed, in fact, far easier than humans, which is funny.

Happy reading!

Iced Podium

 

I’m freezing in the cold damp grey winter morning
The chilled wind wraps around me like an inescapable cocoon
Will I freeze to death soon?
I’ve lost my mind and I still stand
On the cold wet floor of the prairie lands
I can’t move, I can’t talk
All I do is stand or walk
Lost in the frozen land
I’ve lost my mind
For I’ve lost my hand
How heartbreak makes us numb
I stand dying on an iced podium

Voices of lost souls

Wind howls around my soul, entrapping me in a tomb of bewilderment!

The sharp hissing of the air all around me sings an eerie tune with the winds groans from the typhoon.

Holding the woolen scarf around me tightly as I try to fight against the windstorm; an ever loosing battle, the wind sweeps under my feet, I fall back slowly like time turning around.

I do not fall, but I am lifted up into the black skies of doom. Swirling up into the air, like a balloon!
Higher and higher it takes me. My screams become a part of the eerie screams I hear in the typhoon!

Wondering why the wind moans so? Are they the voices of other lost souls?

Troll Bridge by Neil Gaiman

Troll Bridge by Neil Gaiman
Reading about trolls since childhood has always made me a little nervous, because of the childhood nightmares I had about bridges and what lived under them – this story was read with reluctance, but I am proud that I read it because it was a wonderful tale.

I loved the twist of why the troll existed and how it is trapped in its magical world and had literally little choice in devouring lone stray children nearby its lair and how it can be freed if he found someone willing to help him – little would be willing to help him so they usually succumbed to a terrifying fate.

I love worlds like this, where monsters aren’t really as monstrous as they seem, that they too have lived through something terrifying and aren’t what they seem. Though it is easy to sympathise with the troll in this story it is still a terrifying creature nonetheless.