Focused and ready…

The past two years have been rather hard and such a major emotional rollercoaster ride for me; so many life events and big family issues occurring, break ups, deaths, illness, poverty, Henry’s diagnosis, Covid hitting the household twice, new friends, new opportunities, new love, massive intense arguments, broken promises and plans, the cusp of a new life – such a whirlwind.

Around Easter 2022 I was barely coping and managing to write towards my novels especially when Covid hit me, but events of September 2022 hit me the hardest, then news in late October 2022 shocked me so much, my brain couldn’t comprehend that major news along with everything else going on in my life as well as a major betrayal from a friend.

That news literally made my brain freeze like a rabbit in headlights…

The news came from my super fan, I talked about in my previous post “Insomnia & overwhelm”; they knew of my past, as they have read everything, all the back posts of my blog, they saw the many deleted personal posts I once had about the depths of my upbringing and the abuse and isolation I had suffered.

They knew about my life updates as they were happening and they reached out to me.

They were desperately worried about my mental state and how I was suicidal and they wanted to show me the light so to speak.

He told me to stop giving up on my dreams, learn to dream BIG again and be positive I am going to have a better life, because he has plans for me and that’s how it all started.

Shell shocked is an understatement, I felt like a shook snow globe!

Brain freeze happened, it’s scary being shown that every single dream you’ve ever had is going to come true and then some you never even dared to allow yourself to dream, but you had often silly little lapses in daring to think certain things.

It is weird being the fan of someone who you eventually learn is a super fan of you, especially when you’ve had a long standing crush on them!

I mean how surreal is that?

I’m not published elsewhere but online, not like them…

Instead of being pumped to write more, I have to admit I felt intimidated by the expectations from this person and the idea that they think I am extraordinary… I’m a modest creature; I don’t like being lifted up and noticed if you get me?

Fame was never my intention, fame has always scared me!

I always planned to be an elusive writer, where nobody knew what I looked like… hidden… a mystery to the world… I did want immortality… but the physical kind… its weird how the universe works…

Maybe I am getting ahead of myself?

Maybe they’ll change their mind and I’ve only embarrassed myself?

I do try to tell myself not to get too excited about things as I am used to disappointments and mockery… I sometimes wonder if it’s an illusion… but really it isn’t because there’s other people involved with this and they’re so sure this guy is “infatuated” with me.

I’m not being conceited; this is what other people have told me about him!

He sounds so bloody lovely, I know I’ll mess things up with him because I am too tactile, transparent and overly affectionate, people don’t like that!

How weird is it that I am writing this right now and a white feather came floating in through the window, just as the clock turned 10:10am too?

“Angel number 1010 signifies spiritual awakening and discovering inner wisdom, guiding us to understand our life’s purpose and unlock our true potential,” wellbeing education site Anahana says. “It is also associated with a soul mate or twin flame connections, emphasising personal growth and self-love.”

What are the odds?

So, since my brain has frozen over, trying to absorb the information I’ve had for the past year; whilst absorbing all the other things happening in my life – concentrating on novel writing has been excruciating and hard.

I can only truly concentrate on poetry and art, anything outside of this I can’t focus on – because I have been thinking and over thinking and rethinking my entire life, my entire ambition, reigniting things I never thought could happen for me… trying to get my mental health into a stable and happy place, a place of acceptance and trust of the process.

When you’ve been shown the world is literally your oyster and you can start to pick and choose your dreams, do you have any idea how difficult it is to actually stomach that and pick wisely? 

Sitting back, realising everything that’s ever happened in my life is likely to never happen again in the way I’ve experienced them before.  A whole new way of thinking, a whole new home and family, a whole new life that requires newer and bigger dreams!

Realising that very soon, isolation, loneliness, lack, environmental discomfort, suffering alone is going to be – GONE! 

I am going to have people who will love me, help me, care for me – I will be socialising profusely, beyond normality, travelling – so much is going to change.

I have too much all at once to digest; it’s wonderful, but scary and overwhelming.

I have worked hard to try and train myself, to calm down and focus…

The longer he took the better I was to really focus my thoughts, realising how much things are going to change… being realistic about the lifestyle changes and not being wrapped up too much in the fantasy of it all.

I can’t allow myself to get wrapped up in the fantasy of it all – because then I would be placing unrealistic expectations on the relationship and that’s not fair and this is something I wouldn’t have realised had he of come a year ago, like he wanted to.

I am very ready now for what’s coming… I thank whoever or whatever it was that slowed him down, because now I am prepared and this is not going to fail… but a year ago, my anxieties and self-worth was a lot less than it is today and I know fully well – this isn’t going to fail.

I have focused myself, I have studied the kind of life I will be going into and there will be no horrible surprises anymore…

So thank you for giving me that time, but now I am ready and so… let’s get it on?

Things taking this long really have done me wonders for my mental health.  I would have run a mile last year from it all and refused a great guy… but the universe has a way in protecting its plans and helping people to learn things that they are destined for.

Ultimately, I just want a loving guy and a load of kids on a homestead setting and allowed to continue writing my poetry, books, songs, practising music and doing my art to my heart’s content, in a comfortable, warm home and making new friends and getting my health properly seen to.

That’s really all I’ve ever wanted.

I don’t care for fame and I’ve only ever wanted enough money for art supplies, books, pets, gardening, perfume and abundant days out with the family making fun memories!

And you know what? 

I think I am going to have it, exactly how I want it.

A great loving, tactile, affectionate man who’ll give me as many kids as my 40+ body can take, land big enough to be semi-self-sufficient, a few pets, a library and endless art supplies – a room to act as office for myself to write in and do my art and a massive kitchen with huge walk in larders, as I absolutely adore entertaining guests and having friends over for dinner!  I am fourth generation Italian, third generation Jewish, third generation Irish… so a massive kitchen and family is essential to all those cultures, lol!

I am a traditional woman in a very stereotypical sense, I make preserves, homemade soup and pies and I grow my own food and do canning every autumn/fall.

I am super playful and kids and dogs and family are my life and everything gets dropped for family!

Sometimes I am afraid I’ll wake up and find out that this was all a nasty trick or dream.

But for now, this person who promises me the world is keeping me alive and that’s all that matters, especially for my son!

I’m trying to calm down and focus on my novels, honestly I am trying.

But for now, there is just so much on my plate to digest, that I need a bit more time before my brain can process new thoughts.

I think as soon as I move out of Paul’s, the reality will set in and I will settle my thought down, realise how real it all is and then I can concentrate once again on my stories.  I do miss writing, but I just can’t think about anything else, but all those massive changes that are going to happen and trying to figure out… why me?  What’s so special about me? 

What on Earth have I done, to get such amazing attention from someone as awesome and adorable as this man? 

Thanks for reading!

So emotional

I am crushed by kindness

It is strange to me

Insults and vitriol are family

I don’t know what to do when people are nice

I only know how to respond to the ones who cuts and slice

I can handle those well, for I’ve lived through Hell

And I can come back, like a dark carousel

But why do I cry when people are sweet?

I don’t cry when I am beat!

It’s a strange sort of feat

Yet I am weakened when people care

I break down in tears like a soft teddy bear

I humiliate myself and I lose my pride

And I feel stupid because I cried

But that is me

And it’s who I am

And it is a weird sort of jam

And people think I scam

But I don’t and I won’t

Because that is not me

And I get so emotional when you’re kind to me!

Below should be a video on Instagram of me singing this in rap – also, beware of strobe lighting.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Tina Victoria Cousins (@tardycreative)

TV and simple life’s pleasures

From the other day I forgot to mention another fandom I am hugely into; Dr Who.  The thing is, since living with Paul I am behind on all the series of Dr Who because it is a fight for me to watch anything in this house without being disturbed.

So I am several years out of sync with the TV and movie trends.

It’s annoying, because before I moved in with Paul I watched TV about 2 hours a day, usually movies or sci-fi, fantasy series and along with this I used to also buy specific magazines in the genre I am interested in – such as Rock music magazine and Sci-Fi Now.

For the six months living with Paul we didn’t own a TV, he didn’t want one and it was a battle to convince him to get one – he didn’t, my mum gave me one of her old ones instead and then he had to go and get a TV license, he resented her for this.

It’s one of the small things I was actually grateful of my mother doing!

These days I kind of keep up to date with things by watching movie and TV news on YouTube, so I am not totally in the dark about what’s going on – but I sit and watch in envy because I know most of the things I see up there are out of my budget and reach and I will only ever see things if it turns up on Freeview at a convenient time where the household isn’t going to disturb me!

Convenient times are hard to come by – generally I am left alone between 8:30 and 10pm most evenings, but Sunday is the best time for me if I want to watch something.  7pm to 10pm, this is why I was able to watch Lucifer until the seventh episode – I didn’t get to see anymore because Henry was sick and I missed a week and if I miss a week I know I can’t get it back so I gave it up.  It’s a shame because I got to like that series a lot!

We have watched “Zomboat” and “What we do in the shadows”, Paul and I because it was on around 10 or 11pm at night and its horror comedy, which Paul is OK with.

I have never gone to the cinema as an adult either; the last time I saw anything on cinema was when I was 12yrs old and that was Jurassic Park!

Simple life’s pleasures like watching TV seems a feat in this house, it’s so bloody weird how everything seems unobtainable whilst I live here – it’s like the house has cursed me!

I’m pretty sure my lung problem is to do with the damp, Paul denies it! 

Thanks for reading! 

I had a little dog and beetle was his name

I had a weird dream last night that I had a little black pug sized dog called Beetle and someone was trying to take him away from me!

He was called beetle because he had hair loss on the top of his head in the shape of a scarab beetle.

Weird dream, I know, but I have had stranger ones.

Thanks for reading.

Universe is throwing things at me

In some dreams, quite abruptly and aggressively too!

But they are nice and useful things.

For the past three months I have been having a dream regularly, its main themes are quite repetitive and they are very odd and not like my usual dreams.

You all have read before about my dreams about neglected found babies turning into food right?  Well there has been another repeating dream which is less disturbing.

This dream is where I am often eating in the dining room of my parents’ house in North London but I can’t finish what I am eating because there is some kind of chore I need to do in their garden, usually putting pets back into their pens or hutches, bringing the dog in or feeding a pet.  But just as I open the door a huge earthquake or sometimes thunderstorm occurs and I am forced out into it, because the animals aren’t safe out there! 

Usually the animals were fine and I found that I didn’t need to do anything at all, because my parents were wrong that they were out of their enclosures or that they had nothing to eat or drink – sometimes I discover that the animals are severely neglected or have out bred their enclosures and I am worried what to do, it changes from dream to dream.

Sometimes in these dreams I am still in my parents’ house and garden, but I live there with Paul and Henry and I argue with Paul about the state of the animals and in the dreams with Paul sometimes those animals are killed by the flood of the storm or have run into a neighbours garden that has a vicious dog, or their enclosures have fallen into the garden pond somehow.

But the main thing that stands out from these dreams is the fact that when the storm stops suddenly, it brightens up into clear blue skies quickly and that sky melts away quickly too, the entire atmosphere has gone and we are exposed to seeing the universe right before our eyes.   Big planets, the moon, the stars, seen very clearly, some planets oscillate becoming bigger and smaller like they are being swung on pendulums and sometimes things fall from the universe into the garden.

When I look at those things they are usually maps, jewels, coins and letters, though sometimes it has been known to rain rabbits and guinea pigs..  The letters are always snatched away from me so I can’t read them, but when I read a map I sometimes find myself floating upwards and out of our world into space and I am given a choice in the map of where to go, where things will be less turbulent for me.

Sometimes I allow myself to go, other times I panic about going and suggest I need lots of safety measures like breathing equipment, a ship etc., all of which is provided by the universe as I fret about it, all being thrown down into that garden for me.

Sometimes when I choose to go in the safe way, near the end of my journey everything breaks away and I have a huge panic attack about not surviving, only for me to gently land in the middle of a hospital where a doctor asks me why I am wasting their time, as I am absolutely fine!

I am then lead out into a carpark by a kindly nurse who then leads me to a man sitting a very posh car, sometimes a limousine and I am always shocked by who it is.  I am always like… “Oh, it’s you” in an excited kind of way and its usually then I wake up, when they either wink or laugh.

Strange dreams, but apparently there are soon to be strange times…

My tarot cards have been telling me amazing things about how someone is coming into my life soon and how my entire world is going to be turned upside for the better – but when I dig in and ask for more information, they tell me it’s a huge secret, don’t pry, don’t worry, don’t ask – all you are allowed to know is it is a soul connection, you will both be on creative teams together and you will both succeed together in everything you set out to do and you will marry quickly… it’s all weird.

Thanks for reading!

Naturally Glamorous

My weird contrasts are even astounding to me.

On the one hand, I am a hippy nature’s child running bare foot in the garden catching frogs, collecting snail shells and taking home pretty pebbles and rocks from the woodlands on my walks and making leaf nests and mud pies with children; then on the other hand I am spellbound by shinies, fluffies, heady scents and glamour!

Since I was very small I have struggled with who I want to be – which one do I want to be…  sugar and spice and all things nice Elizabeth Taylor… or up to my knees in mud with autumn leaves in my hair in dungarees Elle Mae Clampett?

All my life I have had people say to me unless I can make that decision, people will always think I have a split personality and mental problems and nobody is going to take me seriously either way!  I have to make a decision… I never could.

As I am getting older I am trying to define myself and narrow myself down, but these two basic personalities in me just can’t be cut away…

They are both too prominent, but I have to say Sugar and Spice is more neglected than the Natures child in me, because I never had anyone teach me how to wear makeup and style the hair appropriately.  I know how to spruce myself up nice when I need to, but I tend not to wear makeup unless I get offered one of those free make overs at a cosmetics store, which I used to go to often when I was on the dating scene.

So there are a few people in the world who doesn’t know that side of me.

I have to admit, that side of me is filled with guilt and shame, because nobody likes a vain person – nobody likes a show off!  Well not in the circles I’ve ran in.

I used to tell people, I don’t do it to show off, I do it to feel nice and happy in myself – but the kind of people I knew didn’t think I was telling the truth, they thought that I thought I was better than them!  I never did and never do – because quite personally, I think I am hideous!

The only thing that is ever going to change my mind about how pretty I am or not, is being on the front page of a big fashion magazine without any criticism headlined and that’s probably never going to happen!

Out of all the major Hollywood stars I saw on TV and in magazines growing up, the one that impressed me the most with her regality and beauty was Elizabeth Taylor and every Christmas on my present wish list is always at least one perfume from her brand, which I tend to get!

I look at stars today on TV and I wonder what has happened?  What has happened to the traditional glamourous woman?  There are less than ten major celebrity women that impress me these days and the one that impresses me the most is Lady Gaga, as she knows what real traditional glamour is!

Paul used to say I scare him, because when I become an author he is sure I’d be a best-seller and he is sure I am going to need to be like Roseanne Barr, where I have to buy a house just to store my clothes!

Does he actually know how little authors get?

I don’t think I will be that excessive, but I can see myself having good quality evening wear where they may need to be stored in a preserving way, like museum pieces.

But despite how much I love glitz and glamour, I find it morally difficult to justify the expense and this is where I have a lot of inner conflict!

I have a tremendous guilt conscience about money and being thought of as better than someone else – because it’s not me… I am nice, I don’t brag, I hate hurting people’s feelings, I genuinely care for people who I think are less fortunate and it hurts me to think that they often think so little of me in return. 

Because I have never always been this poor, I have said it in the past and it is true!

My grandmother comes from traditional aristocratic stock, she never liked how much I love costume jewellery, because to her, it is cheap tack – but to me, I liked how they shine and look – to me it’s not the cost it’s the look!

She never under understood that for me it is aesthetic not saleability when family falls on hard times!

She always said when you get the money, buy lots of high value gold and keep it in store as you never know when you will need it for a hard time! 

I collected a lot of junk in her opinion over the years and many of which I gave away to charity about four or five years ago as I felt I will never be well enough to ever spruce myself up again.  In fact, up until late last year, I really thought I’d be dead by 45 as I was getting sicker.

But I am getting a little better, though I am going through a health blip right now with a chest infection – it’s not as bad as it used to be!

I started talking about this subject because I found something I thought I had thrown away a long time ago, it was hiding in the back of a rarely opened drawer – a massive fake diamond ring, made of plastic but it’s on a cheap silver base and I mean it is massive!  It’s larger than a postage stamp. 

I wore it today and I felt very nostalgic and kind of sad.

I looked in the mirror whilst wearing it and that was a big mistake… instant fallen from grace feeling – I don’t often eat my feelings unless I am angry, as I am an angry eater… but today I ate my feelings of sadness with a mince pie and felt instant regret and shame.

Tried to cheer myself up with “Well it is Christmas”!

Didn’t work, sat my buns down on the bed, typing this up and hoping this time next year, I’d had reached my weight goal and I had reached my self-employment goal and I would feel a little like the old me again!

But who knows, maybe I’d have pulled my finger out and got a best-seller and got this weird 100k deal Paul imagines I’ll get!

Lol, yeah right…

So why do I hate talking about this sort of thing?  Because I have lived a very good life in the past and when people know you have money, the vultures come out or the people who hate you and guilt trip you into their sad stories or force you to believe that it is your duty as a wealthy person to donate 75% of your money! 

Not a lot of people will actually listen to well off people, about discrimination – because they sarcastically say “aw yeah, poor little rich girl”, so I have been made to feel ashamed of having better and it is hard not to feel guilt when talking about these things!  Especially since a lot of my former social circles have abandoned me and I am quite literally alone in the world, without people who understands me and my side of the coin! 

But in my experience, aristocrats and the wealthy are more discriminated than other types of people, but we can’t voice it, because nobody can believe we have a hard life too and most think, we deserve the shit we get!  But it’s all just spiteful jealousy.

Well I am like you now… good laugh isn’t it, bet you feel great about it, one less rich bitch to worry about?

It’s hard not to be bitter about this sort of thing!

Thanks for reading!

Avoiding fate

I was chasing dreams that I only half want

I had to keep pushing because they haunt

And I can’t get away from what the fates have to say

I have to take it on the chin and let things be this way

Too many years I have pushed against it

Only to find I have leant against it

And to find that fate has moved my path

I am walking in a circle, please don’t laugh

I can’t get away from those things

The universe keeps making my path as rings

So I can’t walk away from the light and the fame

Because another path will be the same

Why can’t my fate be about love and togetherness?

I feel like a bird, but I am featherless

So I can’t fly to another path

I know it sounds stupid, so please don’t laugh

It has happened before

And I closed the door

To open another, only to find more

And I can’t believe how much this has happened to me

Constantly opening new boxes only to see

The same gift of life staring back at me

It’s a weird sort of thing a weird tragedy

My life is opened for all to see

Whether I like it or not, whether or not I agree

So should I give in, to what fate has to say?

Or can I escape this fate someday?

I don’t know, but I am giving up

The next door I open, I don’t think I’ll shut

Because the fates are determined this is what’s for me

Even though I partly don’t agree

So I will sulk on and open that door

Because I can’t keep on running anymore

Each time I close it, my life gets worse

It is like the fates have said, then be cursed

So I am terrified of closing that door

In case life gets worse, some more

So here I am, giving up with fate

Taking what’s given even though it’s late

Because I don’t need to make any more mistakes

So here I go…

Trusting fate

And no sooner had I finished this poem I saw the clock said 15:55 = 555 again.

Job 19?

As you are well aware, sometimes I have spiritual visions etc that come to me.

I go with the flow and I am very confused why I have been asked to share this post on my blog…

Someone needs to hear this apparently someone who has read Job 19 looking for an answer… I don’t know who this is… but I was told the answer won’t be founded there, but what you need can be found in these texts… Job 33 and Genesis 17.

I hope this helps?

Sorry for being weird again…

Thanks for reading…

Abstract world

I hear the gold in your heart

It’s beating like a tin

It is thick with the taste of happiness

And it is wet with the fluid of youth and the lack of sin

Cherished by the cherry tree

By the birds and solidarity

Your voice is shrill like a mouse

Your voice is home, like a house

And I am warmed by your eyes as they burn into mine

I can smell your dreams

They flow like wine

Into a well of hope and future

Mending my wounds as the suture

And I am destined to stay with you

Because you are special too

We live in this daydream

Walking on the mist of clouded sleepwalk

How much I can hear you talk

Of all the mysterious things

Our existence is strange to the people

The earth ball round

They can’t hear the sounds we do

They are deaf and have no clue

We are different

You and I

This is why we walk on the sky

And we together we’ll be

For eternity

Alone

I have always loved the abstract in poetry, film and sometimes art.  I have also always love innovations in absurdism and surrealism in all art forms – though I have to admit I treat them all with guilty pleasure, as these things are rarely understood by the world and are often shunned as being too weird.

I often want to write whole stories and songs like this, but it’s so very niche really and I don’t like how some people will try to dissect the art and prose to try to make sense of it, or me – or worse, to presume that I have some kind of deep mental problem or something along the lines of substance abuse, simply because I can put my mind into far-out places!

A school teacher of mine in the last school I ever went to, called Mr Kingham saw how much of an abstract, absurdist thinker I was and tried to get me to take art seriously in school – but I never did.  Because it was not an encouraged thing at home; he was so proud of a statue I made in abstract of a guitar, that he insisted that he had to take it home and keep it forever for himself as it was too brilliant to just throw away at the end of the school year!

My parents never understood the excitement in him, nor why he would insist that out of all my achievements art supreme in me.  I never understood it either, I don’t reckon much of my art – my paintings and drawings that is, and even my abstract poetry.

I think it is nice to play with them – but is it really contributing to anything?

I have an over-analytical mind at times – yes I am playful, yes I can do this and the above I enjoyed doing a lot!  But I can’t help but think that other people will find it all a stupid waste of time?

There has been hundreds of poems similar to the above, I have deleted since having my blog after deciding that I might be too embarrassed to share them after all.  Hundreds might be an understatement.

There are times where I stop writing my novels, because my thought has become too abstract, that I have to put it away and rethink them for normal brains. 

Such as I am having a serious rethink about my description in project AD!

The description in project AD is based entirely on what a wild animal would perceive of things when it has been bought into the human world – how would a wild hare view newspapers strewn over a floor?  To me that is a simple idea, obviously they are the weirdest shaped leaves I ever did see with speckles of black all over them and white and snow!

The strange shaped logs that the two legged creatures sat upon groaned like some tortured squashed animal.  I mean, could you really read a novel like that?

As much as I love to write it, I worry about how it’s going to be received!

Yes I often hold back in this kind of description for a lot of my work, but it soon gets boring when I do.

Sometimes I think outside of the box so much I find it hard to get back into the box!

I love wild and out there ideas, hence my obsession with stories such as Alice in Wonderland and through the looking glass, Wizard of Oz fourteen books, the arc of the scythe series, His dark materials and such the likes.

As a child my imagination often ran away with me, I didn’t need to see scary things when the light was off, I saw them when the light was on! 

A mere pile of clothes on a chair could take on some weird shape of an abstract multi-coloured witch and the pigeon on the window ledge cooing sounded like some awful mischievous chuckle.  I often found myself over the years fantasising about making mini art movies based on those kinds of imaginings, but I don’t have the wherewithal to know what I am doing!

Last year when I made a post called “The spider’s suicide note” https://tardycreative.com/2022/07/30/a-spiders-suicide-note-or/ I actually wanted to rush off and make a mini movie about it and really make a thing about it with noir 1930s detective kind of slant to it – but I don’t know how to do these things and I don’t have anyone to help!

But it can be bizarre and spontaneous and it can be hard to hold off for a while waiting for things to be done, because by that time the inspiration would have left me!

I wanted to join Skillshare to learn the technology for all of that, but I can’t afford an annual subscription taken out in one lump sum like they are requesting nowadays!

I am really upset about that actually, because I was going to get ready to learn these things for YouTube and TikTok – but it’s going to have to wait until I save up for it.

The above poem is heavily inspired by Bjork and Aurora, I love those women!

Let me know of what you think of all the above… do you get abstract ideas like these or are they beyond you?

Thanks for reading!

Me as cartoon characters

My personality as cartoon characters!

Thought it would be fun to do this one, because, yeah – I am the sort of person who has the kind of friends who sit around hypothesising about others in various realities and yeah, those same friends have thought I am like some cartoon characters!

So which ones according to my friends am I like?

The most common one most people think I have inside of me is Elmira from The Tiny Toon adventures!

When I asked why!  They say it’s because I am like one of these mad cheery camp reps and I am always trying to make people feel at home and I can sometimes be over the top when I care or love someone!  But I don’t just stop there, I am also one of these annoying high pitch pet talkers and I do everything for anyone or anything I care about.

Because, yeah, I am going to love them, squeeze them, take care of them, protect them, and keep them forever!

I think they tried to insult me, but I kind of enjoyed the fact that although they tried hard to make it sound like a bad thing, it made me feel like that it was such a positive thing to describe me as that perhaps I might be a little irritating for them, but it’s because they’ve not had that kind of hospitality before!  LOL!

Second most common cartoon character I have been likened to is Pinky from Pinky and The Brain, because I come out with all this weird surf dudette type language and I make up my own words a lot, because my brain often stops working when I talk at speed to people… so I often say things like Flarb or Doolally and what not!

Also I am always asking people, what are we going to do?  How are we going to do it? What and how do you think about so and so, but usually I come out with such random absurdist crap, that people feel totally lost with me!

I also fidget a lot – I find it hard to behave and keep still, so I am constantly twirling my hair, or pulling at my socks when I am sitting on the sofa or I am crackling my fingers!

I have also been described as rather goofy and no not the cartoon character, like the goofiness of Pinky as sometimes when people try to make me feel stupid, I kind of play along too much and deliberately stick my teeth out at them and talk like I have suddenly got brain damage or something and carry it over.    “Well I don’t know dude, I mean you seem to have it all together, not like me, I am doopid”!

Yes, I have been described by American friends as being such a doofus at times!

So yeah, friends describe me as an overly hospitable, smothering, doofus air-headed dudette.  What a mouthful huh?

Oh gosh, that totally makes me want to share with you what a mouthful can really be like, by throwing out loads of tongue twisters out there or challenging you to a Jaffa cake contest, where you see how many of the things you can shove in your mouth all at once… OK – I will try to behave!

I promise not to pull my lips apart with my fingers and try to say “Two elephants went up a hill and parted” in front of you!

Upon reflection my friends might have a point about me…

Oh and thirdly I am apparently like Hammy from Over the Hedge and yes I can totally belch my ABCs!

Sorry for the image there!

Give me any candy and caffeine and you will see what I mean!

Never grew up and don’t intend to – I am a complete and utter embarrassment once I get confident around new people and you often wonder why you chose to get to know me at all!

I do have restraint, but it can usually only last around three hours before I start getting jittery!

But yay, I can at least hold myself together for a whole three hours… yay me!

Some people can’t even do that!

But on a positive note I can easily be reigned in by people I am around, if they are firm enough or mindful enough to give me the occasional glare or what not if they can sense I am getting a bit jittery!

Thanks for reading!