Nearly two days…

No posts for nearly two days? 

Why?

I had poetry up for scheduling, I wrote them six weeks ago, but they would make some readers feels I am in a bad place again emotionally and so I didn’t post them after all.

I did that because some readers care deeply about me and they would genuinely worry about me if they had seen those poems, thinking that the feelings were current and they are not.

Sorry about that, I have been trying to get around writing new things for the blog but I am a little preoccupied lately and I also have a bad cold and ear infection.

Thanks for reading!

Being too technical

I’ve never really been formally educated to understand what a vignette is, a lyrical piece of writing, a prose, a poem vs rhyme or sonnet and what constitutes flash fiction, micro-fiction and so forth; but I do try to learn, even though I don’t understand it.

I want to understand it, but I think it goes in one ear and out the other; I just can’t seem to absorb technicalities.

I may incorrectly be calling things on my blog “A vignette” when it isn’t, mistaking vignettes for mere philosophy and even putting philosophical prose amongst fiction rather than non-fiction without actually understanding that my philosophy was in prose format.

I don’t really know what I am talking about here, can you tell?

I am trying to be smart, but I really should try and give up trying to do things like that and just get on with it and hope for the best!

I am for all sense and purposes a creative person, its art no matter what form it is – why worry?  I could be ground-breaking, doing something new and all the worry about trying to do something old could ruin it all because I was trying to be smart and technical about it.

Or I could just confuse everyone and never get anywhere…

That could happen too…

Thanks for reading…

03:01am 24th February 2023

Fear

I am exhausted by your fears

I feel them as deep as my own

There is nothing to worry about

Courage you should hone

I won’t bite your head off

Or throw away your dreams

Fear makes everything, not what it seems!

Don’t trust the fear that is deep within your heart

Fear is only there, to keep you in the dark!

Words and people grow like flowers in manure.

I am disgusted with myself today but my partner Paul ensures me that it isn’t my fault.  I worked out last night how much I used to write compared with how much I write these days.  Prior to 2013 I wrote an average of two million words per year, now I struggle to get fifty thousand a year.  I decided this has to change and I have to get the old me back, primarily because I am going insane with the many ideas I have floating in my head – my brain is literally about to burst with literacy.  My brain will soon be splattered all over the internet and in books, so look out world, because I think I’ve been ignited.

The question is, the last time I felt like this was in 2006 and I wrote no less than thirty articles, poems and short stories a day on one site, of course I can’t post that many here on my blog, as this will make me lose subscribers, I mean, come on – who will want thirty notifications a day?  So I am debating about spreading myself onto two other blogs, so my subscribers don’t feel so bombarded – a cunning trick, but it might be worthwhile?  Because once I am on the go, I am on the go – I used to be such a workaholic, totally addicted to writing and then for some reason, I lost it.

I believe confidence has a lot to do with the lack of writing as well as health issues – I have had chronic bronchitis off and on since Christmas!  My confidence has been bashed by two people in particular, those people are held bent on ruining my reputation by any means necessary and has vocalised how they look forward to the day I become world famous, as they will be waiting.

Well there is nothing truly sinister about me but I still worry.  Because it is the story of my life that whenever I do anything to better myself the world seems to contrive a way to embarrass me out of it and make me go back into my insular hole of hopes and dreams.

I have been chronically bullied as I have been ill, most of my life and I have the types of bullies in my life who are no longer present, but always comes back once they think I have started to grow, they treat me like a weed in an abandoned garden.  Once a year someone comes along with a mower and cuts me down again, just in case I start to become too strong.  I think this weed is going to need to use their shit as manure and grow rapidly into a man eating plant!