Blogs journey

My blog exists because I wanted an outlet to write about my life and my journey in defining myself; I also wanted a place to put short stories and poetry as and when I did them.

Nothing is edited, nothing gets a second or third draft and that doesn’t mean I don’t care about my craft or care about my readers; it’s that I care about putting words out into the world freestyle on a format, to get them out of my system.

I want and need one place in the world where I am not expected to be perfect, but having the knowledge that I am being listened to, even if it’s only by a couple of people!

I take more care in other places where I write.

I don’t use this blog as a promotional website, because I am not yet in the process of promoting any work!

I need this space to freely write, without thinking about grammatical errors and punctuation or even stressing over the content and its exact execution!

As a creator, when I write outside of this blog – I am more cautious, I am very stressed because from the first draft, into the second, into the third, I am stressing all the time about every single word and every single phrase, every character, dialogue, punctuation mark and how well its executed that it sometimes burns me out worrying about it all.

This blog exists to do away with that, whilst not stunting the process of writing.

So I don’t burn out entirely from my creative pursuits.

This blog is not a promotional piece.

This blog isn’t even what I set out for it to be!

I had fully planned when I started this blog that I would write one short story a week without fail!  That I would write two or three poems a week without fail, with daily updates on my life and other creative pursuits – photography, art, updating about my bigger projects, the novels, the song writing, the musical compositions and my foray into finding myself and my fashion interests!

None of that has happened.

In the time I’ve written this blog I should have published 500 short stories by now and approximately 1800 poems and 500 life updates amongst other things – but instead, I think there’s only  been about 10 short stories over the years and half of those were deleted to put elsewhere in the world, edited!

This website is dominated by poetry and that wasn’t the goal either, it was meant to be a mixture of art and fantasy short stories mostly, with an emphasis on life updates and personal journey of self-discovery!

I’m forty two years old in October; I’m easily stressed by the concept of having to be perfect at my craft, my work, my housekeeping – I need stress free outlets like this blog to keep me sane and focused on freedom of expression, without picky little people demanding I be perfect as they take it as a personal slight as my reader if I appear too carefree in how its written!

I’m not going to apologise for not making this as pristine as a book, because my blog is NO reflection on the work I produce in a book!  The qualities of my poems I think are higher and that’s not a slight on you as my blog readers – that’s just me being picky with myself.

I don’t need others to be picky about me too!

I’m already far too hard on myself – to listen to that!

I know those who have commented to me about my work are either trolls or they are trying to sell me the proofreading services; I’m not an idiot, I know the quality of this blog by professional standards – sucks!

But this blog is meant to be freestyle, carefree, freedom of expression, a place to talk and laugh and cry without judgement.

I don’t need proof-readers coming here making me feel bad about my standard of craft.

Because they haven’t seen the painstaking work I’ve done outside the blog, have they?

As I haven’t allowed it to be exist for seven years; I used to be an article writer for several places online and even a Wikipedia contributor.

I have had one book published when I was in my early twenties, but it is out of print now.  It was only a fifty page horror story about the biggest monster in the history of horror that has never been considered a monster… humanity itself.

Outlining all their faux pas and the horrible things they’ve done to other creatures over the years, especially those creatures they’ve demonised or hunted to extinction!

I have a copy here in my house, I have been thinking about doing a rewrite as I feel there’s a lot more to add to it.

But who knows?

I am called The Tardy Creative for a reason.

Tardy in my creations because of two things… mental health getting in the way and too many ideas pushing each other out; that I am like a kid in a candy store running here and there capturing whatever I can and then finding out I only have such and such room left in my bag; maybe put this back and add that and take that out too because this is much better and so on!

In my time writing this blog I have had 189 novel ideas and have only half completed approximately 7 which are non-vampire based or children’s picture books and a further 11 which are still in their first quarter! 

I’ve had about 50 short story ideas but only completed approximately 20 and less than 10 were published here! 

To every three poems I write at least one is never published anywhere! 

This blog is 11yrs old.

It’s all approximations above, I am probably completely wrong – but I do know about there being 189 unique story ideas because I have a story idea journal with half page synopsis for each of them and that’s how many I’ve had since this blog existed!

Thing is… I’ve lost that blooming journal!  I’ve got a new idea to add to it, so I should say 190!

I’ve got a feeling I’ve packed it in one of the boxes to protect it from damage as there’s issues in the house…

Well I blooming hope I have in any case!

I should really add those to my cloud so if I lose it again it’s no big deal!

Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest!

It was brewing for a couple of hours and then I read something online again about proofreading and professionalism in your blog and it kind of set me off a bit!

I’m getting incredibly hot-headed as I am getting older, lol.

I can see me being part of the panel of “grumpy old women” someday!

Actually all jokes aside I’ve spoken to one of the panel and she’s actually quite a good laugh – not dropping names!

Anyway!

Thanks for reading! 

Experimental horror performances

I miss horror and in the past eight years I’ve hardly written any outside of poetry and I have hardly watched any on TV or DVDs and I really do miss it!

I believe horror is my strength as a creative, but I want to write more comedy and fantasy or dystopian themes these days – there is a huge difference between my works though.  My horror stories are definitely a stronger point for me.

Which is making me wonder if, after five projects are complete, whether I should go back fully into horror after all?

There are five projects I can’t get out of my heed right now, but they are not horror themes, they are fantasy or family adventures, one is a family dystopia which borders fantasy somewhat. 

I do like being descriptive and psychological in my creativity – I like the idea of toying with my readers emotions and I know that horror readers in particular loves when an author does that too and I am speaking from the viewpoint of a horror fan as well as an author!

As I am getting older though, I am looking with interest at the performing arts and once I know when my life is stabilised and where I will be living and with whom and what I will be doing – I plan to join an amateur dramatics group, or a small theatre to learn more about the performing arts first hand and to become a part of it.

Why?

Because since I was a child, not only have I been an author, but I was also a musician and composer that had a huge love for theatre, plays and musicals – the more artistic and abstract the performances, the more passionate I am about them and I have many ideas for creating stage plays, artistic performances and yes… even composing my own music along with it!

The thing is, as far as performing arts go, the stuff I have planned would appear a little too abstract and way too freestyle, that I doubt it would get much interest.  Because it would be downright weird really – I mean down Alice’s rabbit hole kind of weird!

There’s a lot of weird stage performances I love, from magician performances of Rob Zabrecky and Sacred Riana, to classic musicals, mime artists, The Circus of horrors and Cirque Du Soleil; I have a love for experimental classical music and jazz too and I love mixing things up.  I adore metal and rock versions of classical favourites, such as O Fortuna, done in heavy metal – it’s totally awesome stuff and if you throw in some poetry from Lord Byron and I’ve got my evening made.

You kind of get the idea what I am into.

 I have no idea whatsoever how I could market some of those ideas other than just call it “experimental”.

I don’t even know how to start, other than just writing down what comes to me and hoping for the best in the future when I start socialising at places like that – I intend to start with joining The Belgrade Theatre or Rugby theatre in some way, if I am not leaving this area completely.  I still haven’t the foggiest where life is going to take me right now.

Until things are settled, I am literally up in the air, floating in the clouds, dreaming my life away!

But mostly dreaming up weird crap I have no idea what to do with!

I know that some of the stuff I want to do will touch on dark themes, a dark fantasy, dark surrealism, absurdism, a horror musical of sorts, where I can throw in my poetry and my composed music and my imagery, my art, my ideas will be worked alongside professional choreographers that can get to grips with what I am trying to show them that’s in my mind.

I have no idea how well I will do, it’s all talk right now – it may be years down the line before I start it for real – but the ideas are there.

Better late than never they say!

I just think I want to give it a go, that’s all!

Thanks for reading!